Tag Archive | mother

Conversations with Umi – Part II

Last May, I posted Conversations with Umi, right before Umi’s birthday, which is May 6th (remember that, folks). One of the conversations involved Palm Sunday (look below post), which just passed last week. Since I had a complete JinxieFail on posting about Palm Sunday being on April Fool’s Day *snorts* (and I totally wouldn’t have forgotten had it been Easter to fall on that day), I’ve decided to do another Umi post. I mean, hey, her birthday is coming up anyway, right?

By the way, if you haven’t discovered it yet, Umi has her very own Facebook Fanpage. You should go “like” it, if you haven’t yet. She’s quite fucking hysterical.

Let us begin, shall we? I’ve pulled these from her fanpage.

* * * * *

UMI: Do you need someone to go with you for the EEG?

JINX: No.

UMI: You can’t drive if you’re drugged.

JINX: I won’t be drugged. They’re studying my brainwaves.

UMI: That won’t take long…

* * * * *

JINX: Oh noes! You missed #NCIS!

UMI: Fuck a dick!

JINX: *snorts and falls over*

* * * * *

UMI: I was going to go to bed, but I don’t think I’ve seen this #NCIS….ooh, I’ve got chocolate!

* * * * *

UMI: I’m gonna go lay down for a bit.

JINX: OK, love you, mom.

UMI: I’m not going to bed!

JINX: I know.

UMI: You love me anyway?

JINX: Of course I do.

* * * * *

UMI: I’ve got Hogwarts down on my Bucket List!

* * * * *

UMI: *to firefighter on TV* You must not have seen that spot on the application that says “ugly guys need not apply.”

* * * * *

UMI: *glares at Jinxie_G* You’re disturbing my “me” time again with your damn #insomnia!

* * * * *

JINX: I love you, mom.

UMI: I know you do. I’m your favorite mom!

* * * * *

UMI: *walks out, looks down at Moon* Hi butthead!

* * * * *

UMI: That’s probably for Sunday (Pony Express riders)

JINX: What’s on Sunday?

UMI: *sighs* A hundred years of statehood. Sheesh.

JINX: How do you remember this shit and forget to take your pills?

* * * * *

JINX: *bangs on computer*

UMI: Know what I think?

JINX: What?

UMI: You need a new laptop.

JINX: I would agree.

UMI: Know what else I think?

JINX: What’s that?

UMI: I need one too.

* * * * *

JINX: I wish I had a photographic memory.

UMI: I wish I had ANY kind of memory.

* * * * *

UMI: Are you gonna tweet that?

JINX: You betcha!

* * * * *

UMI: *watching Fiat commercial* Is that that Sofia gal?

JINX: That is not Sofia Vergara.

UMI: Are you sure? It looks like her.

JINX: It’s not her.

UMI: It sure does look like her.

JINX: It’s not her, mom.

UMI: It looks like her.

JINX: I’m ignoring you now…

* * * * *

UMI: I am almost ready for bed.

JINX: Good, I can watch my fight porn.

UMI: What fight porn?

JINX: Spartacus.

UMI: *raises hand* I am Spartacus!

* * * * *

UMI: *watching Subway commercial* Sorry, but Ben Franklin was never a president! *rolls eyes*

* * * * *

UMI: SPIDER!

JINX: Is it a black widow?

UMI: I don’t think so. Well, I can’t tell bc it’s smooshed now.

JINX: You didn’t know the last one was a black widow.

UMI: You said it wasn’t!

JINX: *rolls eyes* No, I told you it was and you didn’t believe me, but it was black and had a fucking hourglass on it’s little black body.

UMI: Whatever. This one’s dead.

* * * * *

JINX: You got some new fans!

UMI: That’s because I’m funny.

* * * * *

UMI: I think we need to move to another planet because this one’s going to Hell in a handbasket.

* * * * *

UMI: *watching new Crayon commercial* I wish we had a kid so we could get some of those.

JINX: *blinks* You want us to have a kid so you can get the new Crayons?

UMI: Sure!

JINX: How about I just buy you the fucking Crayons, Mom?

UMI: Eliminate the middle man. That’s good. I like it!

* * * * *

UMI: *watching Edible Arrangements commercial* I’m gonna send myself one of those!

JINX: Really? People are supposed to send stuff like that to you, Mom.

UMI: Well I don’t have anybody to send me one!

* * * * *

JINX: *squints* It’s too bright in your room.

UMI: That’s bc you like the dark, vampire person.

JINX: *continues talking about something else* Wait, did you just call me a vampire person?

UMI: Yes.

JINX: You gave birth to me, you know. What’s that say about you?

UMI: It’s one of my mistakes.

JINX: Thanks, Mom. I feel so loved.

UMI: I love you, Jinxie! *hugs tight*

JINX: Riiiiight.

* * * * *

UMI: *opens front door*

JINXIE: ACK! Bright light! BRIGHT LIGHT!

UMI: Oh stop it. You’re not a gremlin!

* * * * *

On Palm Sunday 2010:

Jinxie: Jesus fucking Christ!

Umi: It’s Palm Sunday.

Jinxie: I know. *pause while surfing web* Jesus fucking Christ.

Umi: It’s Palm Sunday.

Jinxie: And your point is?

Umi: *glares*

Jinxie: What?

Umi: *glares some more*

Jinxie: WHAT? Do you not want me to say that? LOL

Umi: It’s Palm Sunday.

Jinxie: Okay. So I shouldn’t say that what, 3 days a year?

Umi: Yeah, that’d be good.

Jinxie: What about Ash Wednesday, you want me to add that?

Umi: *shakes head and walks away*

* * * * *

Are you scared yet? You should be!

Welcome to my insane world.

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What I Need

Most of you know, especially if you follow me on Twitter or are a Facebook friend, the kind of week and a half I’ve had. My paternal grandmother passed away on June 11th, two days before my birthday, and I spent my birthday at the mortuary and cemetery planning g-ma’s services with my uncle, as well as taking Umi, my mother, to the ER. During the course of this, I was awake for 35 hours–from 3pm June 12th to 2am June 14th. On the bright side, I can officially say that I was awake for my ENTIRE day of birth. How many of you can claim that? I thought not.

Anyway, Umi stayed in the hospital until Thursday when I brought her home. Friday morning, we held the services for g-ma and I was gone for most of the day because after the service, we had a luncheon. What? We’re Italian. We eat after any event. Friday night, while I was over at g-ma’s for a BBQ (yes, more food), Umi called and I had to take her to the ER again. She’s still at the hospital, though they’ve moved her out of ICU. Congestive heart failure or something like that. Although, her texts the other night were hilarious. My mother has a strange sense of humor, even when she’s sick and in pain. It’s no wonder where I get it from. The whole of my family, meaning both sides, has a very macabre sense of humor anyway, and I’ll explain that in another post.

In the midst of all these family emergencies, I did the final edit on my new book Nemesis. We finally got it out the door Monday and it should be available now on the Running Ink Press website.

And as I hop all over the damn place, from mortuary to cemetery to hospital to chapel to hospital to *breathe* home, a cavalcade of text messages, DMs, Facebook messages, emails, etc. have come through over the past several days, all asking the same question–What do you need?

It’s a good question, and I wish I could answer it, but the truth is, I don’t know what I need aside from my mother getting better. I’ve commanded that she’s not allowed to die for at least a year. She’d better listen to me. But she’s scared. She said so Sunday night when I visited. And considering that my maternal grandfather shot me a message Saturday night during a palm reading, I understand because I’m scared too. He said to me, through my aunt the psychic, “You’re strong enough for this, for what’s coming.”

Yeah, kinda creepy, right? Actually, I know exactly why he said that. Earlier in the day, as I sat on my computer doing some final quick touches on my book, I broke down in tears out of the blue, and said, “I can’t do this.” I know I can, that I’m strong enough to get through whatever comes my way. I mean, shit, I’ve been to hell and back several times over the years. But sometimes I have that moment of weakness, where it feels like everything’s going to fall apart. And since it wasn’t so long ago that my life actually did fall apart, it kind of ups the ante on the moments of weakness and when they hit. Truly, that moment really is a moment in time, it’s a few seconds and then I’m fine.

So, really, what I need right now is to just breathe, to make sure Moon gets attention because she doesn’t know where my mom is or why she’s gone right now, to continue doing the things I need to do over at my grandmother’s house for my aunt, and to tell you to go buy my fucking book, Nemesis. 😉

Fair enough? Thought so.