Gods and Devils

Calling all devils….

I have a new book coming out!!! OMG! *bounces*

Okay, look…I know I just released one last fall and this might be a bit too soon considering it’s usually years between book releases from me, but let’s try to move past that and celebrate. Not-so-coincidentally, this new book—The Devil of Dating—shares the same world as Dusk of Death (released in August) and there will be more novellas that spin off the main trilogy.

To be honest, I’m just happy to be writing again. Finally.

What’s it about, you ask? Well, lemme tell ya! I’ve decided to mesh Greek mythology with good ol’ Christianity for this because why the fuck not, right? It’s fiction; let’s have some fun!

When you’re the Prince of Darkness, how do you find true love?

Aside from lacking in the love department, Luc is having difficulty maintaining Hell and desperately needs a vacation, but when you’re the type to take on everything yourself and don’t always delegate, bad things tend to happen. Like when the harpies escaped and nearly took out a small village, or when his dog got loose and took on the traits of its father, the guard dog from Hell. If Luc doesn’t get his life together soon, there will literally be hell to pay. Behind every semi-functional man is a great woman keeping his ass in line. Luc needs a woman, and soon. Considering Hell’s state of affairs, solitary life hasn’t really worked out for him thus far. Is true love even attainable for the first Fallen?

Badboy69 – Lonely Devil looking for a match made in Hell. Must love dogs…and play well with demons.

Seph keeps finding love in all the wrong places, and is tired of men breaking her heart. Joining a dating site wasn’t the brightest idea, but when she meets Luc, it seems as though the Universe finally grants her wish. She gets bad boy, hot, and powerful all rolled into one. Little does she know, Luc is the Prince of Darkness.

26Proserpina – Lonely Maiden looking for the king to her queen, to rule the world together.

If you haven’t guessed yet, this book is paranormal romantic comedy. Where Dusk of Death focused more on the thriller aspect of the story, The Devil of Dating is just pure romantic silly sex-filled fun. Sounds like a blast, right?  Well, why not check out an excerpt! Here’s a sneak peek of the opening for ya!

Excerpt: Chapter 1

A solitary thin vertical black line mocked Luc in its frozen state as he moved the mouse across its pad. Click. Click. Click. Not even a blink. Bang. The poor plastic creature objected with a groan at being slammed against the wooden desk.

“C’mon, work, damn it.”

Several beeps sounded from the laptop as the piece of technology protested. Not a good sign.

“Damn this thing!” Luc squeezed the defenseless mouse, but let go before he crushed the poor plastic device and broke yet another one. He let out a low growl and footsteps greeted his ears, signaling that someone had entered the room. Normally, his growling was a sign to stay the hell away from him; however, this visitor knew Luc better than anyone else and was probably the only person who could approach him in his angered state.

“Problems, sir?”

“Abercrombie, remind me to torture Gates,” Luc said. “This computer is the bane of my existence.”

“Of course, sir, I’ll mark it in Outlook for you.” Abercrombie placed a cup of tea on the desk.

“Is that the Earl Grey?” Luc reached for it as the butler nodded. “Do we have any of those little Danishes left?”

“I have some right here for you, sir.” He placed a small plate on the desk next to the tea saucer, hit a few keys on the computer’s keyboard, turned and left the room, leaving Luc to the now unfrozen computer to search the dating site once again. It had been damn near twenty years he’d used a computer for his business ventures and he still didn’t know how Abercrombie magically fixed the blasted thing when it froze. Luc was more prone to setting them on fire when they stopped working.

He scanned the profiles on Cinder.hell. Cinder: bring the heat back into your life. Cheesiest fucking tagline ever, but he had to give Dagon credit; it fucking worked.

“Boring.” Click. “Fake…everything.” Click. “Con artist.” Click. “Gold-digger.” Click. “Male.” He paused a moment with a raised brow. Click. “Isn’t there anyone on this damn site who actually wants to date?” Of course, “boring” probably did, but he wasn’t interested in that right now? “Boring” wasn’t exactly boring, or she wouldn’t be in Hell. His lack of interest stemmed more from the fact that he was bored with the cray-cray because it was exactly the same shit with every one of them. Under normal circumstances, a few of those options would pique his interest, but not this time. He wasn’t looking for sex. He could acquire that whenever he wanted.

“No luck, sir?” Abercrombie returned with a tablet—no doubt the list of beggars asking for everything they desired—and placed it on the other side of the desk. He’d attend to it shortly.

Luc leaned back in his chair, took the mug of tea, and brought it slowly to his lips. “Everyone’s looking for their soul mate, but no one wants to actually find one. They just want to fuck, which I wouldn’t normally object to and I do realize this is Hell and all, but I’m looking for a bit more this time. Someone with substance, maybe sassy, smart, and sexy.” He took a sip of tea. “And then there are the scam artists.” He shook his head and sighed.

“The Tunisian ones?” Abercrombie looked at the screen. “Don’t they work for you?”

“Not just the Tunisians, all of them—the Nigerians, the Russians, even the Americans—and they’re doing a shitty job,” Luc said. “They’re easy to spot. I don’t even want to know what their ‘inheritance’ emails look like. And how did they get on this site? I mean, it’s a .hell website, for fuck’s sake!”

“It’s the dark web, sir.”

“Dagon needs to not intermingle our network with the humans’.” He took another sip of tea and picked up a Danish. “I should just demolish the buildings they’re working out of.” Luc looked up at his butler. “What do you think? Big explosion, make it look like an accident? Or perhaps an earthquake.”

Abercrombie smiled. “I’ve always preferred the earthquakes, myself.”

“Done! I’ll send a memo to Poseidon. He can shove the tectonic plates around near each one.” Luc stuffed the mini Danish into his mouth and looked at the screen again. A new picture caught his attention and he stopped chewing. He didn’t remember clicking to the next profile, but there she was in all her gorgeous goddess-like glory. He swallowed his food in one gulp.

“What about her, eh, Abercrombie?” He looked up at him and grinned. “Think she can handle me?”

The butler leaned forward to get a better view of the female. “Long black hair, dark blue eyes, has that exotic look you seem to like. And look, she likes imps.” He pointed to the screen.

“She does?” Luc looked closer at her profile. “Well, look at that, she does.” On her—26proserpina—profile, under “pets” it said she liked all manner of creatures, up to and including the little imps that attempted to torture her day in, day out. “Hmm, lips, flaming heart, wink, or message?” He looked back to the monitor. “It’s like Dagon compiled every dating site ever invented into one with exception to that swiping one.”

“She did, sir, and you should just go straight for the throat,” Abercrombie said. “In a manner of speaking, that is. Message her.”

Luc grinned. “I think I will.”

“And what about the two ladies in your room, sir?”

Luc looked up at the aged Englishman. “They’re still here? Shit. I completely forgot. Take care of them for me, would you?”

“Very well, sir,” Abercrombie said and shuffled out of the room, but he turned at the last minute. “Furnace or fields, sir?”

Distracted, Luc snapped his head around. “What? Oh, just send them back into the world. If this doesn’t work out, I might want them again later.” Twins. Never kill off a set of good twins. Unless it’s absolutely necessary, of course.

“As you wish, sir.” The butler left the room.

Luc snapped his fingers and pointed at his head while trying to find the words he wanted to say before the butler was out of earshot. “Don’t forget to do the mind thing.”

“Of course, sir.”

He clicked on the message button to send 26proserpina a quick note. It took about as long as Abercrombie removing the twins from his bedroom and the house to write the blasted thing. He sent the note, asking Proserpina if she’d like to meet over coffee sometime. Simple. Sweet. Non-creepy. He hoped. It’d work or not, but seeing her photo—if it really was her in the photo; even he couldn’t tell that—stopped his entire world for that one small moment, so for the first time in a long time, he finally had hope again that he’d find his queen. He scratched his bearded chin and stood, leaving his study and heading for the master bedroom to prepare for his day.

He dressed in a nice black Armani suit, black shirt, and red tie—his favorite look—and grabbed the tablet left on his desk in the study before he vanished in a cloud of smoke, reappearing in his throne room. Checking the goings-on in Hell was the last thing on his mind, but he had to be certain all was running smoothly lest the harpies escape again or Kerberos get out. Besides, it was the day to hear from his people and those who needed help with one thing or another. As if he didn’t have enough shit on his plate, people were asking the world of him. At least he’d get something out of it.

He rubbed his hands together and clapped once. “Time to make some deals,” he said and sat on his throne.

The first approached, guided by a demon. Human. Figured. Just how he didn’t want to start his day. He’d need some strong coffee to get through this.

WHEN and WHERE can you get this spectacular paranormal romantic comedy? Well, you can pre-order HERE. Release day is May 23rd.

If you’re going to Phoenix Comicon this year over Memorial Day weekend, stop by the booth to say hi! You can find me at booth AA1028/1030hanging out with my friends Gary and Maria Wilson from Nightstalker Press. Sign up for the newsletter at comicon and you can win a signed book of your choice. Purchase a signed copy of available books from me/Just Ink Press and enter to win a Kindle Fire and some FREE books!  Don’t worry, I’ll be doing an online raffle as well for those who can’t make it to comicon. Stay tuned for that info!


Turn the Page . . .

We’re now in the next chapter of this part of my life, not the song, even though that song is going through my mind because of the title. LOL

At any rate, moving along . . .

Some of you may have noticed I haven’t mentioned someone lately. I’m apparently single again. I say “apparently” because we literally haven’t spoken to one another in a week and a half. I’m not sure why, but I’ve decided that I’m never dating a Virgo again because this happened the last time I dated one, though I *am* still friends with that one going on 12 years now. Hey, if you don’t text/call/message/whatever without me having to start the damn conversation, I know you’re not interested anymore. Pretty fucking simple. And if you are still interested, then you’re an idiot to think I’d stick around after no communication. And that’s all I’m saying.

In other news about my life . . .

On May 11th, which happens to be one of my twins’ birthdays (yes, I have several twins), I packed up my jewelry and drove to downtown Mesa for the 2nd Friday Night Out. It was steampunk themed, and of course, I had NOTHING steampunk to wear, but whatever. I set up my table . . . . and didn’t sell a damn thing. It’s okay, though, because it didn’t cost me anything but my time and the gas to get there.

On June 8th (*ahem* that’s the weekend before MY BIRTHDAY, by the way, which is on the 13th), the event is Books on the Beach night aka Indie Publishing Festival, so my cousin Skywise and I have been working to get print copies of my book Nemesis and all the promo items we can done in time. I should get the proof/galley in a couple of days. I’m excited to see the first print copy of my book! Yes, I will tweet a picture.

If you can, visit me in downtown Mesa on June 8th. I’d love to see ya!

*turns page*

Today I have an interview at 2:00 at one of the local colleges. Pray I do well and get this job. I could really use it! Especially since I have INSOMNIA again. Great timing. *growls*

So, for future pages . . .

I’m still taking care of me, going to my physical therapy, trying to work out regardless of the pain, and just attempting to do *something* with all this shit so I can make something of my life. I’m focused, people, believe it or not. I see where I can be in the next year. I have the ZSC, ghostwriting, RIP, my book reviews, and my Etsy shop going at once. Five projects is a lot, I know, but they all ground me and keep me well-rounded. Don’t you think?

By the way, for you writers out there, I offer my editing services for a decent price. Email me: jinxieg13 (at) gmail (dot) com. I’m also pretty good at book covers.

I know it’s only getting better every day I wake up and have a goal set. Cheers, bitches! I know what I want in life. Do you?

“Yeah, and here I am,
On the road again,
There I am, up on that stage
Here I go, playin’ star again,
There I go, turn the page
And there I go, turn that page”

Now, if I could just replace my laptop before this one dies . . . or before I beat it into oblivion. *sigh* You have no idea what I go through every day with this thing. I’m serious. No, I will not take video because I really don’t need proof out there of exactly how insane I am.

Have an AWESOME day and make it worthwhile!


Spam Comment of the Week VIII

Last week, it was slim pickings for the spam comments. This week hasn’t been much better. I think they’re on to me making fun of them. *shrugs* Oh well, if that’s the case and they stop giving me material, we’ll chalk this up to another fun series and I’ll have to think of something new.

I hate having to think of something new.

Anyway, this week’s spam comment was on the post Online Dating….Still? and comes from Adult Match Maker:

You recognize thus considerably in relation to this topic, produced me in my opinion believe it from so many various angles. Its like men and women don’t seem to be involved unless it is something to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your personal stuffs outstanding. All the time maintain it up!

*blinks* Men and women get involved because of . . . Lady Gaga? Ohhhhhh-kaaaaay. Wait, you said “something to accomplish with Lady Gaga.” Is that like a threesome thing? Is she into threesomes? I wouldn’t know. I don’t really listen to her music or follow her career.

Glad you think my personal stuffs outstanding! I will continue to maintain it up! Whateverthefuck that means.

By all means, Readers, chime in with your own answers to Adult Match Maker. I’d love to see them!


Online Dating . . . Finale!

Fuck yeah! Right before The Walking Dead finale! I rock!


Yes, we’ve come to an end with the online dating experiment because I cancelled my 6-month subscription last week. That’s right, I said six months. You’d think I’d have gone on more dates in that time, but I didn’t. That was partly due to my traveling to cons, and partly due to the fact that Match.com doesn’t really know how to match people, in my opinion, which I’ve stated before.

I did meet a few nice guys, though, who are friends now, I hope. =) A few of them are on my Facebook anyway.

However, regardless of Match.com’s inability to match people, one particular gentleman found me, and we are so perfectly matched it kind of scares both of us. So I suppose the site succeeded on some level because hey, we have a match! The amusing part of this is the fact that I showed up in his matches, but he didn’t show up in mine.

art © Lori Lasswell

The gentleman I’m speaking of is the one I mentioned in my last online dating post. We’ll call him Big J online and yeah, he kind of looks like the stick figure my cousin drew (which he got quite the kick out of when I showed it to him), but not quite so skinny. Seriously, he’s my zombiepocalypse survival partner. I’m not fucking kidding about this, people. We think EXACTLY the same in this realm!

I don’t consider the whole dating site thing a total flop, since I met Big J through it, but there is something I do have to say about it outside of the fact that it sucked major ass, and that is this: I’d originally contemplated only signing up for one, two, or three months on the site, but changed my mind in the midst of chatting with my uncle on Facebook, who was awake for God knows what reason at that hour. So here’s my thinking, and I know some of you are going to shake your heads or whatever, but I don’t care. I followed that fucking link for a reason that night in my slightly inebriated too many Long Island Iced Teas state. My uncle was awake at that hour for a reason that night (or early morning). I signed up for six months for a goddamn reason that night because normally I wouldn’t have done so. Also? My friend James teased me the entire time that night, which likely just pushed me to sign up even more.

But if I hadn’t signed up for six months that night oh so long ago, I wouldn’t have met Big J because he didn’t sign up until January and we didn’t start talking until two weeks before my subscription ended. The three months I’d contemplated wouldn’t have even covered that. So yeah, bitches, try to figure that one out. And don’t fucking call it coincidence. I don’t believe in coincidences because everything happens for a goddamn reason. Yes, that includes the bad stuff. Remember what I keep saying? That which doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger. It’s so true.

So I’d like to thank my Unca T for supporting me in chat that night and telling me to go for the six months and have fun, because this whole thing is all his fault. =p

Anyway, Big J and I are really enjoying our time together. I’m happy, believe it or not. I think some of you just fainted. *fans you, finds water* You okay? Ah, good. I know y’all aren’t used to a happy Jinxie. I’m a little startled myself. But yeah, I’m fucking happy as hell, folks, and I’ve got the Cheshire grin to prove it.

Here’s the big guy making me smile and acting like a goddamn girl lately…

And so we come to an end in this realm of Jinxie’s World. Stay tuned for the next exciting, fun, exhilarating, eventful….okay, okay, when I think of something new, I’ll let you know. =)

© Lori Lasswell - Artist Extraordinaire (click the pic)

Reader question: Would you or have you joined a dating website? Why or why not?

Online Dating…Still?

I don’t even know what fucking week this is now, but my subscription to the dating site ends on March 4. I will not be renewing it for several reasons. That said, just as I’d given up on the stupid site, a new guy came out of left field at me two weeks ago. Seriously. Totally caught me off guard and I pulled a Keanu Reeves because I was like “Whoa!”

Yeah, I know, bad joke. It’s not meant for you; it’s meant for him because he hates Keanu Reeves. Annnnnnd moving forward…

And you know what? He’s really tall and hella funny and damn cute. I’m hoping he’s not a serial killer because he really likes Dexter, but then again, so do I. =D Hmm…

I’ve had three dates with him so far and have enjoyed myself immensely. Chivalry is NOT dead, ladies. I know, I’m in shock too. No, I’m not telling you about my dates, but if you’d been paying attention to Twitter or Facebook last week, you would have caught some of it. =)

Umi said recently, “It’s nice to see you smiling again.” Um, yeah. That says a lot.

Also? I’ve totally found my zombie apocalypse survival partner!!!

He has ZOMBIE AMMO, people!!! \m/ (^-^) \m/

Online Dating – Week 13

Oh hey, that’s my lucky number!

Unfortunately, I haven’t had time to go on the Match.com site lately because I’ve been slammed with several other things–writing and editing, my disability hearing, and being there for an old friend, to name a few.

Said old friend is one of my ex-boyfriends, and he cooked his spaghetti for me last Friday. I think he was trying to kill me because it damn near set my mouth on fire. I call it spaghetti with a kick. His recipe had more of a kick than the one I posted early summer. Holy hellfire! And he wouldn’t tell me why it was so damn spicy either. Little shit.

I’ve pretty much grown bored with the dating site anyway. *shrugs* What can I say? I’m a Gemini and I get bored quickly if you don’t hold my attention. The A.D.D. makes it worse, I think.

So I think for now we’ll put this little experiment up on the shelf way in the back because why prolong the torture . . . I mean, the pain . . . er, the fact that I’m perfectly fine with who I am and being by myself and who the hell needs a man around when I’ve got toys . . . er, never mind.

Awkward moment . . . .


Merry Christmas!

*hopes the image distracts you from that*

No? Shit.

Oh look! It’s snowing on my blog!

Online Dating – Week ???

I’ve completely lost track of time now…and since I was gone for nearly two weeks, there hasn’t been much going on in the dating world for me. I did have dinner with Bachelor #5 the day after Thanksgiving, though. He’s a sweetheart and we have a scary amount of things in common. He’s also really tall. Y’all know that’s a huge plus!

To be honest, I wish I hadn’t signed up for 6 months on this site. I’ve come to the realization that I really don’t need to date…anyone. I’ve got too much going on in my life right now to put forth the effort into dating. Also? I’m considering moving in the spring…out of state. That might put a damper on things starting up here, don’t you think?

Where am I considering moving to? Somewhere on the east coast, possibly North Carolina. I have a lot of friends in that area, and up and down the coast. 🙂 We’ll see how things go this week, which will have a huge impact on the timing of everything.

Until then, I don’t have much else to say…

By the way, have you noticed that it’s snowing on my blog? *laughs* Cool, huh? Have a great week!