You’ve read this blog and likely think my life is an open book and how in the hell could there be any Secret Life, but secret lives aren’t necessarily spy-worthy tales to tell or skeletons in the closet. Hell, those were outed years ago by my uncle and myself. It’s how we amuse ourselves, I guess.
You know how in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty all of his fantasies involved him doing amazing things and basically stepping outside his comfort zone? I do that but with my worst fears. My brain for some fucked up reason has to play out every goddamn scenario that could possibly happen in any given situation. It’s truly exhausting. But, since I can’t stop it from happening, I try to put a positive spin on it….like, at least I won’t be caught off guard should one of these million scenarios actually come to fruition. Because we all know how likely that is.
Hello, my name is Jinxie and I write fiction….because reality is boring as fuck.
I don’t know about you but I believe in the power of three, meaning I believe things happen in threes. I’ve noted this over the years and it’s fucking true. Quite recently (two weeks ago and the reason I was watching movies in the first place), right after I bought my new car, I received some bad news that was not only bad, but was also a month and a half after I could have done anything about it, hence the disappearing into other worlds because not only is reality boring as fuck, it also fucking sucks at times. This was one of those times. Said bad thing is now affecting my paycheck and I’m trying desperately to fix it because if I can’t, maintaining a new car payment and trying to save ANY money for ANYTHING will be nigh impossible. I actually broke down when I received an official notice of my impending diminishing paycheck later that week. It takes a helluva lot to break me to that point. But I sucked it up the next day and found out the information I needed to know….before breaking down again that night.
Okay, the bad thing doesn’t count as two, but on the 17th, I’d thought I’d lost an ENTIRE day’s worth of edits on my book Nemesis. That’s equivalent to 220 pages, by the way. Talk about not being able to breathe and the unbearable weight of having to do it. All. Over. Again.
And then I broke a fucking nail the day after that. I mean, really. Now, here’s where most people would ask that question of the Universe….WHY?….but I know better. You don’t ask questions that you don’t damn well want answered. In the event that I forget to follow my own advice, I immediately follow it with, “That was a rhetorical question!” in hopes that the Universe doesn’t actually respond with a giant, FUCK YOU, BIATCH. What? It happens.
(Actually, the first bad news I received that week was that my pit bull, Leonidas, had died. Devastation doesn’t even cover the feeling.)
The day after I broke a nail (which was fixed that night by the lovely Jade), I got a check in the mail from the state for my plate that will be transferred from the ‘lanche to the new car. It was only $20, but hey, it’s $20 more than what I had before opening the damn envelope. Right? See, that’s how you have to look at all the shit when your life is constantly bombarded by insanity. That night, I received a phone call from the car dealership and dread filled me as the what ifs started playing through my mind because they wanted me to come back down to the lot. What if they want more money? What if they take the car back; then what will I do? I’d be without a vehicle, and then how would I get to work. OMG I’d lose my job…. And on and on it goes; worst case scenarios. Fun times. Turns out that instead of leasing the car to me, the lender wrote up a loan to purchase it. My payment went up $50, but it ends up being cheaper in the long run AND they extended the extra warranty I’d purchased for the fourth year to cover the entire six years of the loan. All in all, I’m perfectly fucking happy with the deal because I just bought a 2016 Chevy all by myself for the first time in my life. No significant other. No one but me. And at a better interest rate than I’ve ever been offered. Go me!
Allow me to introduce Cruzella
That night, after I’d finally gotten my Windows 10 sorted and updated and everything, I found the goddamn edit I’d lost. I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of relief flooding me upon finding it. I totally did the hands-up-soccer-GOOOOOOAAAALLLLLL!!! yell of YES! I FOUND IT! MOTHERFUCKER!
It’s quite entertaining in my house. Truly.
So, even though I still have some shit to clear up, and I am working on it, I’m good. Umi is good. Life….is good. Try to keep your head up if Life gets you down. It’s not always bad shit and it doesn’t last forever. You do have to fight for it, though. Life doesn’t hand you everything you need and treat you fairly just because you’re a good person.
Be the motherfucking lion.