Archive | July 2015

No Parking!

….No, really, GTFO of my space….bitch.


Here’s the deal…

When you pay my rent, you can park in my space. Until then, find your own goddamn space. I pay for this one for a very specific reason: so my mother doesn’t have to walk that far from our apartment to my truck.

You don’t like the note she left on your car? Too fucking bad. You don’t like that I sent the landlord a picture of your car via text message? Oh fucking well. Ask me if I give a fuck.*


*Hint: I don’t.

Want to know what will happen to your vehicle if it happens again?



Dear June

…I’d like a fucking do-over, please, and yes, that includes my birthday.

If you stalk follow me on the interwebz, you may be well aware of the month I had…and I didn’t even share it ALL with the world. Oh yes, there’s so much more, but I won’t go into it because it’s a private matter.

Allow me to point you to the Gallbladder of Doom first. No, really, go read that and then come back here. Don’t worry about losing this page. It’ll open in a new tab. Go. *taps foot* I’m serious.

I will wait for you


Oh, you’re back. Good. *kicks feet off desk* Where was I? Right, so yeah, that was a lot of fun. I didn’t sleep much that week. Do you know what I did for my birthday? Nothing. I stayed home because I was exhausted. Excuse me a sec….

Mom, it is not your fault. I love you and will always drop everything for you when you need me. I’m your daughter. You know I like to bitch and where I get it from. *ahem*

Okay. I did work on my own book on my birthday, so that was nice. Dropped 1,000 words on Assassin. Go me. I also got some editing in that weekend that was apparently irrelevant, but whatever.

I should have known that the first week of June, with its calm and serenity—which was a much-needed break at work—was the precursor to the oncoming storm. I mean, emergency gallbladder surgery, then another publishing issue popped up that had to be taken care of immediately. Then the A/C died the week after Umi’s surgery and I got home Thursday night with plans to work on a not cheap line edit over the weekend, but I had to pack up Umi and Princess the Chihuahua and go sleep in a goddamn Motel 6 that our landlord put us in with crappy Wi-Fi and the first thing I did in the room was kill a cockroach. I will be discussing with him which hotel I’d like to stay at if this ever happens again, and it sure as fuck isn’t Motel 6. After waking up on the incredibly hard too-small bed with very little sleep, I sent him a text stating that I cannot sleep on that hard bed another night and I had a job to complete for a contract that I CANNOT LOSE. We were back in our apartment by 2:00pm, though it was a bit muggy/humid as the poor A/C unit worked in overdrive to cool the place off again. It ran for five hours straight. FIVE. HOURS. I’m afraid to see the electric bill. I slept through those five hours because I didn’t sleep much the night before, and neither did Umi. She passed out too.


Then the A/C starting leaking right from the filter. The maintenance guy came back and fixed it. And then it continued to leak from the filter and inside the hall closet, thereby ruining a few things. He fixed it again, supposedly. Then on the 29th as we were leaving for Umi’s follow-up appointment with the surgeon, he was to look at it while we were gone. We stopped at the store on the way home, and when we got there, he was already gone. There was no leak in the hallway anymore. Then as I unloaded groceries from the ‘lanche, Umi started screaming from her bedroom that there was water coming down. I kid you not, there was a fucking waterfall coming out of her closet. I had to shut off the water to the entire building until the maintenance guy could return. The landlord showed up and I pointed out where the waterfall was and he saw the leak in the hallway that the maintenance guy apparently did NOT fix. At this point, he feels bad. The maintenance guy doesn’t show up again the rest of the week and is supposed to be out today.

I’m done with this place. Seriously. It’s ancient and falling apart. Their remodel four years ago was only aesthetic.

The sad part? I just found the PERFECT townhouse directly across the street from where I work for cheaper rent than what I’m paying now and with more room, and we are not in any kind of a position to move yet. Maybe in a couple of months, I’ll be able to do it. I can only hope that place is still available then, but I doubt it.

So if you need an edit, or know anyone who needs an edit, share my Editing page, would ya?


Oh, and go fuck yourself, June. I’ve had it with you. I think I’ll start celebrating my birthday in December.

The Gallbladder of Doom

…may be coming for you.

In early 2010, right after I’d moved down to Tucson and in with my friend Heather a.k.a. Kitty, the Gallbladder of Doom struck her a month after it’d struck her sister CJ Redwine, and for two months, I took care of her. Since then, the Gallbladder of Doom has come for many of my friends, it seems.

Now it has reared its ugly head yet again.

Snap 2015-07-01 at 17.29.59On June 8, 2015—five days before my birthday—Umi called me before noon crying because she was in a lot of pain. And I know it was a lot of pain because she called me at work crying and telling me to come home. I panicked a little, but for the most part kept calm. I think I surprised my co-workers by how calm I was. It’s perfectly normal for me to be the rock for everyone else in my family. That’s the way it’s always been, so panic is not an option. Now, when it comes to my mother, I will tend to “lose it,” but only when she’s either not in my line of sight or when it’s not imperative that I get to her in one piece….like on June 8, 2015. I needed to drive 11 miles from work to my home so that I could assess the situation and get her ass to the ER, which took some persuasion, by the way.

Snap 2015-07-01 at 14.34.33Once I got her to the ER, they got her back there quickly. Umi already has COPD and is on blood thinners because she had a pulmonary embolism several years ago, so they decided 10 hours later and after a CT Scan, an ultrasound, and the HIDA scan, that they wanted to do the surgery the next morning. They finally admitted her to the hospital. When the time came for her surgery the next morning, her INR was 4.1, which is incredibly high and she would bleed out if they did the surgery. So we had to wait another day. By Wednesday, her INR was down to 1.5, an Snap 2015-07-01 at 14.35.20acceptable level for the surgery. The surgeon told me her gallbladder was very infected and he took care of the hernia while in there. Meanwhile, they’re all surprised by her attitude because she’s cracking everyone up and not acting like she’s in pain at all. But that’s Umi. Ever the joker, always willing to make others laugh, makes friends everywhere she goes. She hides her pain well.

I’d always thought that my ability to mask my pain was due to my being a Gemini, but it’s apparent to me now that I’ve inherited it from my mother. And her Taurusian stubbornness.

Here’s basically a rundown of what happened while at the hospital all week…

Snap 2015-07-01 at 14.35.51 Snap 2015-07-01 at 14.36.12

Snap 2015-07-01 at 14.36.48 Snap 2015-07-01 at 14.38.02

Snap 2015-07-01 at 14.38.23 Snap 2015-07-01 at 14.38.49

Snap 2015-07-01 at 14.39.08 Snap 2015-07-01 at 14.39.23

Snap 2015-07-01 at 14.39.47 Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.04.22

Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.04.44 Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.05.16

Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.05.39 Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.06.17

Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.06.47 Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.07.17

Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.09.06 Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.09.28

Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.44.44 Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.45.03

Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.46.48 Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.50.09

Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.49.26 Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.50.55Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.50.34 Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.51.14 

Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.51.35 Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.51.56

Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.53.53 Snap 2015-07-01 at 15.57.47

Snap 2015-07-01 at 14.31.30Due to the fact that her insurance had yet to activate, we need a little help with her medical bills. We’d appreciate any help at all. It’s been a pretty crazy month, but that’s another post altogether.