How Hard It Is

…to do much of anything but lay in a dark room when you have a migraine.

Yesterday was one of those days for me. The bastard woke me an hour and a half before my alarm was to go off at five in the morning, and I could not get myself to fall back to sleep no matter what I tried because on top of this horrendous headache, my shoulder is still killing me. I called in, grabbed an ice pack and took some pills, and collapsed back into bed….and with exception to the couple of hours of sleep I got at that time, I had no respite for the rest of the day. I think it finally dissipated around five in the evening, and as I type this four hours later, it’s threatening to come back, so I’ll have to make this quick and get off the computer because the internet is too bright today. Sitting in the living room where it is entirely too goddamn bright was difficult.

I don’t know about you, but when this headache hits me, I can’t write. I can’t do much of anything, to be honest.

And that pisses me off because if I’m not at my J-O-B, then I want to be working at home…because that’s what I do. And that work can be anything from editing to formatting a book to writing one of my own to accounting (gag). So when I lose an entire day, it rips me up inside and I feel guilty for not getting any work done even though I KNOW it’s not fucking possible when I can’t even look at the screen.

Right now, I feel guilty for not working on the shiny new story I started a few days ago and have been researching relentlessly because I’m super excited about this one. I haven’t been this excited about a story idea in a very long time.

And I shouldn’t feel guilty. In fact, I’m supposed to be writing these daily affirmations–doc’s orders–because I’ve been feeling a tad overwhelmed lately (go figure). But I haven’t really been writing them down. That needs to change.

So here’s today’s: I’m grateful I have a job that provides me with sick time for terrible days like this.

Yeah, I suck at this. I’ll get better.