Quittin’ Time

…also known as ‘Jinxie is about to kill someone’ time.

I quit smoking on April 8, 2014. Why a Tuesday? Never start/stop something on a Monday. That day is bad enough as is. Anyway, it’s been a couple of days upon writing this, but it’ll be a week once this posts. I’m trying to be optimistic here, which we all know I am so not. The first night wasn’t too bad, but then, I’ve gone 24 hours without a cigarette just to prove a point. *grins* Wednesday, however, was a completely different story. Holy hell, did I want to murder someone/something. I watched a movie titled Solomon Kane for the distraction and to appease the bloodlust. I ended up in bed before 9:30pm just so I wouldn’t leave the house and either act on the urge to maim or go buy a pack of smokes. It was bad. I couldn’t get my brain to shut the hell up, either. At some point, I thankfully fell asleep.

I have two things helping me with this: a Blu e-cigarette and a vapor e-cig. I use the Blu when I’m driving, mostly because it’s about the same size and shape as a cigarette. It’s a lot heavier, and that throws me off, but it’s easier to handle while driving. I’m not so sure about the vapor yet. Aside from the fact that Batgirl gave me something flavored with mint, which should deter the smoking as it did for her, I’m not liking it one bit and it’s deterring me from using the vapor. Inhaling that shit is way different than smoking a cigarette too. Cigarettes don’t make me cough. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true.

It’s times like this that I wish I hadn’t lit up that clove 30 years ago, or that there was some magic cure to either make me stop the horrible habit or keep me from getting cancer. Hell, I’d like that last bit anyway, since cancer loves my family so much.

On Thursday, I had an appointment with my doctor, who stuck a bunch of pins in my ears during my acupuncture session. I’m telling you, she’s trying to turn me into Pinhead from Hellraiser. I will say, however, that I calmed down a lot after that session because Thursday was starting to feel like Wednesday, and that wasn’t a good sign. Friday, so far, is just meh. The weekend is going to be the killer. When I’m not smoking, I don’t leave the house, and when I don’t leave the house, I’m not getting fresh air, which in turn gives me a headache.

Yes, I know, smoking is not an excuse for getting fresh air and totally contradicts the effort. I never said I was rational. Nor is smoking or any addiction.

I’ve got to figure out what to do to replace the time I spent smoking–not the actual time, but the action. I plan on doing a lot of design work this weekend and that generally keeps me busy. I guess we’ll see how it goes.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because that way you can hold me accountable, if you feel up to it. That actually works on me. My doctor has used it regarding my workouts. It’s sad, I know. It hits that part of me that has trouble lying right in the gut. I don’t even bother trying to lie because I’ll just feel like shit after and what’s the point of that? I don’t like feeling like shit.

It is now Sunday night and I’ve just sat through the bestest episode of Game of Thrones yet that has me wanting to jump up and sing to the world….but I won’t give any spoilers here if you haven’t seen it yet.

I’d feared the first weekend of my non-smoking dreadfully, but to my great surprise, it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be. Although, my Blu died. That fucker is D-E-A-D. It won’t hold a charge any longer, so I’m stuck with the vapor….and so I ordered four different flavors on Saturday. I should have them by the end of next week. I can deal with the mint crap that long. My workout yesterday was amazing, as in I could breathe, as in I hit the 30 minutes without realizing it because I felt great. I even added weights because I realized that nothing  I did was doing anything to help work my arms and shoulders. Squats are getting a bit easier, and let me tell you, it’s awesome for me to say that because I loathe squats.

This–the feeling great–is what makes this all worth it and this is what I remind myself of every time that urge to smoke a cigarette hits me. This is what I keep telling myself, that I can do this, that while yes I absolutely want to sit outside and have a smoke or three, it’s not worth stealing my breath and my energy and my strength. Have I mentioned how much damn energy I’ve had this weekend? Holy shit!

To my friends out there who have taken this arduous journey ahead of me, thank you. Because of you, I made a decision, and because of you, I was given the means to see it through.