Leave It to a Drag Queen…

…to drag a three-hour show out to six.

The Monday before Moonbug died, her breeder and my friend JL, invited me to the Miss Gay Arizona America pageant because her daughter was dancing for one of the divas…I mean contestants. Neveah, to be exact. I thought “Sure, why not? It’ll be fun and I get to see JL’s daughter dance.” What couldn’t be more fun than a bunch of drag queens onstage? Seriously. And they have a pageant I never knew existed. Right on!

For the record, my son is gay. Just in case one of you takes anything I say in this post the wrong way.

Following are some of my tweets and status updates. At one point, there was a 2-hour respite from tweeting, which meant I was thoroughly entertained. You’ll notice where it is without the time stamp, trust me:

Ugh. After such a hectic day yesterday, I don’t think I have the energy for drag queens, not to mention NOTHING TO WEAR!!! *head desk*

My “son” needs to get his ass over here and help me find something to wear!!!

“This evening’s music selection is sponsored by an elevator somwhere in Phx.” LMFAO! – as quoted from Katina

OMG The commentary on this is hysterical! LOL

For those of you who are clueless as to what I’m doing, I’m at Miss Gay Arizona America. #MGAA

At the question round. #MGAA

Going on 4 hours now. Holy crap! (See? I told you!)

#MGAA 2004 performing… http://twitpic.com/ag1zwq 

Wow! Totally did *not* call that Coco would do Lady Gaga during her talent act. No. Not. At. All.

I think she’s doing EVERY Lady Gaga song there is! #MGAA

Hey John, I’ve never met Geoff’s wife. Lol My friend’s daughter just danced onstage with Neveah. (apparently, Geoff’s wife also attended this event)

…is still at the Miss Gay AZ America pageant. Holy fucking hell.

So everyone thought this would be over at 9, just like I did, and I’ve missed ALL showings of #TrueBlood tonight. #MGAA

I’ve had to put my glasses on to tweet/text bc my eyes are so fucking tired now. #MGAA

And then someone just had to go and lip-sync the Whitney Houston versin of I Will Always Love You, which is the longest! #MGAA

Oh dear God, please END! #MGAA

Dear fucking hell, someone please shoot me! This thing just won’t end.

@JlManley: I miss 9:00pm. I miss 10:00pm Awwwe Hell, I miss 11:00pm. Thank you @Jinxie_G for keeping me from throwing myself over the balcony – G’nite.

LOL @JlManley You forgot 6pm. G’night, lady! Happy to keep you company with my snark. =) Thanks for taking me.

I am finally home. I need food, smokes, and a drink. Not necessarily in that order.

Regardless of my latter comments, the Miss Gay Arizona America show was pretty dragon! =p

Of the 11 contestants, only four had really good talent pieces, one of which was Neveah so I was really proud of JL’s daughter because damn! That girl can move! Neveah’s set was all apocalyptic-like to the tune of Britney, I think. I’m not big on pop music, but even with minimal props, she rocked the stage. Neveah won the talent award. You go, girl! Contestant #2 whose name escapes me did Tina Turner and pulled it off so well, I thought I was actually watching Tina Turner by the end. Good job! Contestant #10, I think and whose name also escapes me but she was gorgeous and wearing a yellow dress, did a Marilyn Monroe tune and I really enjoyed it. Contestant #3 was Diva (or Deva…I don’t have my program anymore) and her talent piece was spectacular Spanish dancer with four skinny dancer boys painted up all Dia de los Muertos style. The beginning part of her set reminded me of the painting that hangs on my living room wall, which happens to be The Spanish Dancer by John Sargent. The rest of the set blew me away and there is no question in my mind as to why she won.

The bad – I had to sit there for fucking six hours! While wearing spanx! And 5-inch heels are a bitch to walk in after sitting for SIX FUCKING HOURS when your legs keep going numb!

The good – I’ve decided that one of my characters in my Kick-Ass Girls Club series is going to have a gay brother who is a drag queen and will be a contestant in this pageant. I’m not kidding. Which means I’ll need more research.

I’ve told y’all time and again that Life is my muse. The above is how it fucking works. Don’t ask me why because fuck if I know. Go somewhere; get an idea. See something; get an idea. Hear something; get an idea. Feel or smell something; get an idea. Taste rarely happens, but it does happen.

So…will I go next year? Perhaps, but if I do, I’m gonna need more alcohol, bitches!

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