Today’s spam comment comes from piscine bois tonga, and was left on . . . wait for it . . . Zombieland. When you read below, you’ll understand why this is just too awesome for words:
hello!,I love your writing very much! percentage we keep up a correspondence more about your post on AOL? I require a specialist in this space to solve my problem. May be that’s you! Having a look ahead to look you.
Well, piscine . . . wait, may I call you piscine, or should I go with tonga? *waves hand* Whatever. I was wrong (<—- yes, gentlemen, I just said that. I actually do admit when I’m wrong) about this being too awesome for words because I actually do have some words. I’m glad you love my writing so much, piscine, but no, we cannot correspond via AOL, and I’ll tell you why. I don’t have AOL. I haven’t had AOL in YEARS, like since it first came out. I consider AOL a virus, much like Internet Explorer and a multitude of other programs forced onto your computer when you buy it. Do you have any idea how long I’ve been on the Internet, piscine? Of course not, because you don’t know me. I’ve been online since the early 90s. That’s correct, a long fucking time (tomorrow, we’ll discuss my swearing on here). Obviously, if you’re on AOL, of course you’re having an issue with whatever it is you’re needing help with, because being on AOL means you don’t know how to work any other browser . . . or you’re afraid of change, like my ex-fiance. He’s got AOL. Maybe you could talk to him, though I doubt he’d be of much help to you, seeing as how you’re both on AOL and neither of you seems to know jack about computers.
Also, it slays me (yes, I said it) that you require a zombie specialist, since you posted on my review of a zombie movie, and isn’t today your lucky day? Go on, ask me why. Go on. *nudges* Okay, okay, okay . . . I just so happen to be one of the top seven Commanders of the Zombie Survival Crew. Yep. You bet your ass, I am. So perhaps, if you’re having a zombie-related issue, I can help you. Oh, you’re not? Well, crap, piscine. What the hell do you want then?
Oh, I don’t think so . . . .
But while you’re looking ahead to look me . . . is that some sort of futuristic thing? Or wait, maybe YOU are a zombie, piscine! *draws weapon* Come to think of it, your comment looks like it was written by a zombie.
Hmm . . . whoopsie! Piscine wasn’t a zombie, but hey, that’s one less spammer in the world. Perhaps they should have worn this shirt…