Bitch, you better be good to me!!!
You know I don’t normally do the New Year’s resolution thing . . . or I make a joke of it . . . but I’m kinda doing one this time just so I can put out there all the shit I have to accomplish this next year for my own damn good.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my New Year’s resolutions, not in any particular order. Start thinking of yours because I’m going to ask you what they are at the end of this.
1) Quit smoking by my 43rd birthday.
This is imperative because if I don’t do it, I’ll die at age 53. Yes, I know when I’m going to die. Haven’t we covered this already? I come from a very psychic family, people. And it’s true, most psychics won’t tell you when you’re going to die, but I’m weird and am one of likely a few people in the world who can handle the information without freaking the fuck out. I only pray that once I quit, I NEVER pick up a cigarette again. If I can accomplish that, I’ll live to the ripe old age of 79. Obviously, I’m hoping for the latter, because 10 years just isn’t enough fucking time for all the shit I have to do!
2) Quit drinking soda altogether.
I can do this. I’ve quit drinking it before, but obviously not altogether. The issue is that I freakin’ LOVE the taste of Pepsi, damn it. Why must you be so bad for my waistline?! And my waistline is right where it all goes. *sigh* Which brings us to my next resolution…
3) Join a gym.
I know everyone and their fucking mother adds this to their resolutions list, but I actually mean it. I miss the gym and haven’t had the ability to go over the last couple of years. And I know I’m insane for saying this, but I miss the elliptical. It actually helped my lower back and hip. Perhaps not to the point where I can ever work a 9 to 5 job again, but certainly at least giving me a better quality of life than lying around the fucking house because I can’t move.
4) Get my damn passport!
I don’t know yet why this is important for 2012, but I’m spending the money on this because it’s long overdue. I have places I want to go, and even if I don’t get to those places in 2012, I just might in 2013 because let’s face it, folks, the world isn’t fucking ending on 12-21-2012. I hate to tell you this, but I know the world won’t end in my lifetime. Just sayin’.
5) Take Umi someplace special.
Just because she fucking deserves it after taking care of me for most of my life, and well, because she’s my mom.
6) Start working on my “Payback is a Bitch and Bitch, I am” plan.
Sorry, this is classified information. But I promise you’ll be told after the fact!
7) Change my diet altogether.
It’s not like I eat junk food or fast food, but I could add healthier things to our diet, since y’know, I’m the damn chef in this house. And if Victoria (executive chef extraordinaire and now my dietitian) ever sends me her massive missive of recipes, I’ll get right on that!
8) Create a freakin’ work schedule!
Between RIP and ZSC and my own personal writing (which suffers the most), I’m being pulled in multiple directions and don’t even have time to beta read or critique for my own RIP partner, let alone others, which is so not cool with me! And how am I supposed to get my name out there if I can’t work on my own writing? It can’t happen, people. You need books to read from me! And I need to get the next Kick-Ass Girls Club book written before some of you start stalking me! LOL
9) Move Umi, Moon, and myself into a HOUSE.
I’m so done with apartment living. I’ll consider making the move back east after that.
Speaking of Moon, she and I need to start walking farther. It’ll be better for both of us, but mostly it’s good for her to work those back legs.
11) Stop drinking coffee.
Wait! I know this sounds absolutely INSANE, but I need to kick the caffeine habit as well. This will be the very last thing I give up, simply for the fact that I will likely be in the mood to kill people after quitting smoking and drinking soda. However, in the instance the Zombiepocalypse happens, all bets are off!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
And…. *drum roll* ….What are your New Year’s resolutions, dear readers? C’mon, don’t be afraid to comment. *points to note* See? I’m a comment whore. I WANT you to comment, damn it.