Online Dating – Week 1

So…

I know, I shouldn’t start my post like that, with the word “so.” It’s bad form, kind of like starting a sentence with “anyway” or any number of other words I don’t feel like typing.

So…I had over 250 hits on my dating profile the first week. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. I really don’t care about the number. I just thought it was amusing. What’s even more amusing is the number of scammers on the site. I even had one start talking to me and “he” was surprised when in my reply to “him” I didn’t tell more about myself. Why? Let me explain…

Do you know the first sign that tips me that they are scammers? That sentence doesn’t look right, does it? Never mind, I’ve been awake all night. Back to the scammers and the signs to spot them. Their English, or the lack thereof. Their broken fucking English. I laugh. Out loud, most times. It’s almost as bad as the idiots who try to comment on my posts here. Some of those are downright hysterical. Not you guys, but the ones with the 30-character links attached to their comments.

Um, hello, scammers? I’ve studied the English language. To the point that I know how it started and how it’s changed over the centuries. If the Normans hadn’t won the Battle of Hastings in 1066, we’d all be speaking some form of Germanic language. Seriously. I don’t know about you, but I just can’t get that one down. Arabic? No problem. Yeah, I know, that sounds crazy. Half of you are thinking, “WTF? She thinks Arabic is easier than German?” That’s right, I do.

Art credit: Lori Lasswell

What was I talking about? Oh, that’s right, online dating. It’s been a week. I had a date last weekend. It went well. Nice guy. We’ll call him Bachelor #1. Taller than me. Y’all know how the Amazon thinks and that she generally likes the taller ones. Bachelor #1 fell asleep on the phone with me at 9:30 one night. This was pretty much when I realized there was no way in hell he was going to keep up with me and my schedule. You know me, nocturnal and always working. Yeah, we have some things in common, but we have completely opposite schedules. When you’re trying to work on two businesses and take care of an elder, that takes up a lot of your time. *points to self* Um, that’d be me doing all that. Still, as nice a guy as he is, I’m not certain he’s for me. Or rather, I’m not certain I’m for him. He’s an outdoorsy person; I’m tethered to my laptop most of the time. I can see it being an issue in the future because we all know how difficult it is to get Jinxie away from her laptop.

I have a feeling my schedule is going to be a huge issue throughout this dating thing, though. I’m going to TRY to adjust it a little. Hey, I woke up at noon on Friday! That’s a start. But still, I’m a nocturnal gal. Always have been, always will be.

Bachelor #2 is actually the first guy I started talking to on the site. I also call him Nova. Yes, there’s a reason, but I can’t really say why because I don’t want these guys identifiable on here. That’d be rude of me because unless they’ve found my blog via my ZSC bio or my Facebook, they don’t know I’m blogging about them.

I should probably tell them.

Um, hey guys? I’m blogging about you…sort of.

Nova, or bachelor #2, likes the same music as me, fast cars, and has numerous other match possibilities. He’s also real nice, has a good sense of humor, and was easy to talk to once we were on the phone. We haven’t been on a date yet. If he finds this, we probably won’t be going on a date. But I believe we discussed going to see Sean Patrick Flanery‘s new movie InSight because it’s only showing in ONE part of town, which is nowhere near me, by the way.

One of the criteria I’m looking at with these guys, which I know will likely sound insane or stupid to you (or not), is how they’ll get along with some of my friends. Think about it. If I even remotely think he won’t get along with them, or they won’t get along with him, I’d never see my friends if I date the guy, so what’s the fucking point? I’ve known my friends somewhere in the 15 to 25 year range. So yeah, my friends are important and their opinions matter. They’re also very open and supportive, so it’s not like they’d instantly treat someone like shit if they didn’t like him. They’ll give the guy a chance.

Then there’s my family. My cousin has already “checked out” one of the bachelors. I won’t go into her reaction, but needless to say, my big fat Italian family looks out for me.

Let’s move on to Bachelor #3, shall we? His “about me” bio on his profile cracked me the hell up. It shows his personality and sense of humor, which is wicked funny, and which I told him recently. We started emailing each other. More hilarity, especially when he sent a message around 1am that read, “Nocturnal One to Nocturnal Two…” and gave me his number. I laughed out loud and had to cover my mouth because, you know, it’s one in the goddamn morning and Jinxie has a loud cackle. You’re damn straight I called him. We spoke for about 30 minutes and this is what I have to say…

Part of what caught my attention was that his profile said he wasn’t there to “complete” anyone, save them, or carry them off on a white horse. Perfect. That “you complete me” line is total bullshit (of course bc it’s created by Hollywood), I can save my damn self, and I don’t need a knight in shining armor, much like most of my characters. Works for me. He’s intelligent and creative too, which we all know is a huge plus. Why? Because Jinxie is a very creative individual who needs intellectual conversation.

Look, I’m not searching for my Prince Charming. That bastard is fictional. I know because I write about him. I’m not looking to rush into a serious long-term relationship. You have to work on that over time, and getting to know one another and becoming friends first is a good way to do that. Bachelor #3 may just end up being a really good friend for all I know. *shrugs* In the meantime, I enjoy the hell out of talking to some of these guys, and while I’m not looking for the fictional Prince Charming or my shining knight on a white horse (god damn those princess stories to hell), I am looking for something that will last me the rest of my life. Something meaningful, unconditional, and with someone who’s looking for the same damn thing.

So…let’s see what happens in the next week.

Go read my artist's blog for more hilarity! http://loriology.blogspot.com

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