I’m not quite sure how to start this post, which is funny because I’m a writer. But this isn’t fiction. What I’m about to discuss here happened in the really real world. I wasn’t going to write anything about it at all, figuring it’s just a waste of space on him, but then I thought of other women who may have experienced something similar, or are about to. What’s my excuse to them for not writing it? There really isn’t one. Either I write it and help someone, or I don’t write it and let the next woman figure it out on her own, possibly too late. I’ve never been the kind of girl to let people figure things out on their own, and if there’s even one line in this post that will help, then I’ve done my job here.
This is also going to be very weird for me to discuss because I tend to meet people in person before I start any kind of “dating.” I’ve never had an online relationship, really. I guess I just think they’re weird. But that’s beside the point. Well no, it’s actually part of the point because if I didn’t hold back due to my apprehensions, what happened to me could have gone a lot worse.
Several months back, I met a man whom I nicknamed Ozzy, who really doesn’t deserve that name now so we’ll shorten it to Oz. Well hey, I certainly feel like I’ve just taken a trip to see the wizard and had to battle flying monkeys, so it’s perfect. We’d talked now and then, but that’s about it. We had a debate over free materials (songs, magazines, books, etc.) once (back in March) that he doesn’t even recall. His excuse was that even though he debated it then, he more than likely changed his mind since then. Whatever. In August, things stepped up several notches. Suddenly, he was in love with me. And so begins the whirlwind in my head because he totally caught me by surprise. Not to mention that he’s 11 years my junior. He said all the right things, etc. I could have sworn he’d been reading my blog, but he swore he didn’t. Now I’m pretty damn certain he did. I held back a lot because I wasn’t too sure about the 11 years younger thing. Yes, I’ve had many people tell me that age shouldn’t make a difference, and normally, I’d agree with you. It all depends on the couple. My concern about his age wasn’t exactly his “age.” It was his life experiences, his goals, his dreams, his career – all things that even at 29 he should be working toward. Right? He likes playing his guitar and writing songs, but has yet to record anything or play in front of a crowd. Red flag. I know a few bands and I’ve watched them live MANY times. If you’re serious, you follow the path to your dream, much like I’m doing with my writing. You don’t sit around waiting for someone to “discover” you. That shit only happens in the movies. He wouldn’t tell me the name of the school he was attending or where he worked. Red flag…
Oh wait, I should save these for the warnings below:
Warning #1: He professed his love for me before ever talking to me on the phone. Yes, that’s very odd. I thought so too. This began around the end of August. I know, I totally got caught up in the whirlwind, which is exactly the point and purpose or agenda. The problem was, however, he didn’t realize how strong of a woman I am, which also meant he wasn’t really paying attention to my posts on here and twitter.
Yes, I’ve talked about what I want in a mate on my blog. Yes, that person may be out there somewhere and I hope to meet him someday, but lucky for me, I have this thing called ESP. Even though Oz was saying the right things, there were a couple of wrong things he said that had me raising the Spock eyebrow and questioning him. Let’s not forget my friends and family, who are ALL extremely protective of me at this time. I don’t need ESP with them around. Some of them can sniff out a player across cyberspace.
Warning #2: We were planning a trip for him to visit me here, since I’d just started a new job and didn’t have any vacation time available to me. He pointed out that the one-way tickets were cheaper and would I like him to move in with me. Whoa! Let’s take a step or two back here. This was my first real indication of the potential outcome of this whatever it was thing we had going here and is also the reason my walls started going up to protect me. He barely knew me and wanted to move in with me? Major red flag!
Warning #3: He kept professing how he was an honest man, a good man, and that those were not up for debate but facts about him. *ahem* Let me make something very clear here: a man’s ACTIONS speak the truth of his heart, not his words. Ever hear the saying “actions speak louder than words?” Yeah, there you go.
Warning #4: He didn’t want to hear about my day unless it was a good day. If I had a bad day and just felt like venting, I’d get a lecture on how I needed to stay POSITIVE. In other words, he didn’t want to listen to me, which is NOT what a mate does. I don’t know about you, but I like to talk about my day, good or bad, and I certainly don’t want to listen to a lecture from someone who’s under the age of 30 telling me how I “should” live my life or how I “should” think.
Warning #5: My favorite was when he’d tell me how much he loved my inner strength, but when he actually saw it come out, everything went from “I love you” to “you’re a complete psycho bitch” in one weekend. Awesome! I can’t tell you how often I laughed throughout this weekend argument simply because of its sheer stupidity. He escalated six months worth of manipulation within an hour. Amateur. If you’ve ever been in an abusive relationship of any type, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about there.
Warning #6: Telling you how to think and feel. During our argument, he kept telling me how I should have done this and I should have done that … like I should have talked to him on the phone so I could hear how sincere his apology was so that I could accept his apology. I should learn to be more positive about things in life. Um, hello? Welcome to REALITY! The world isn’t a perfect place. Granted, I tend to get depressed or pessimistic at times, but I don’t think the world is going to end just because I’ve had a bad day. I’ve been to Hell and back several times at this point in my life, so I know how to bounce back out of it, but I certainly don’t need a damn lecture on how I should live my life when I’m 41 years old. Thank you very much.
Warning #7: Telling me that I brought the evening to a “crash n burn” ending due to my negativity is in no way a POSITIVE way to deal with things, Mr. Positivity. You called me a hypocrite? That very first statement to me that pretty much started this whole mess is hypocritical.
Warning #8: Placing the blame on me for hurting you on purpose is your one-way e-ticket out of my life. I was raised by the Queen of Guilt Trips, who was raised by the Master of Guilt Trips. Trying to guilt me into answering the phone when I’ve clearly stated I didn’t want to talk on the phone just yet does not help your case at all. Neither does calling nearly 50 times in one hour. That, my friend, just makes you look like a psycho nut-freak.
Warning #9: When said psycho nut-freak attempts to drive a wedge between you and your best friend/roommate. Ladies, if you’re anything like me, you know that NO MAN is worth ending a friendship over. I know not all of you think along these lines, but you should sincerely consider it because in my experience, your girlfriends stick around a helluva lot longer than men do.
Warning #10: He was extremely concerned with looking bad online. Like, way more than a person would normally be concerned. Why is this? It kept going back to the “I AM a good man” thing and how I wasn’t listening to him. I heard very clearly, but in my humble opinion, you shouldn’t have to TELL people you’re a good person. It should just show itself to others in your actions, so arguing that point relentlessly is ridiculous.
He was also determined to give me some “advice” on how to be a better person and a more positive person in his last message to me, which I find laughable. As much as he said he loved me, he never truly got to know me or the type of person I am.
I’ve stated it once before and I’ll say it again … You fuck with me, you want to play games, and I’ll end it in the beat of a heart because I AM THE ENDGAME.
So, ladies and gentleman, if you have someone in your life who tries to pull any of this crap with you, all I’m going to say to you is walk away. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and quite personally, I’d rather spend the rest of my days alone than with someone who’s going to berate me or condescend to me like I’m a child. A relationship is an equal partnership, and if you can’t love someone fully, flaws and all, then it’s not a true commitment to one another. Your partner should never TELL you what to think/say/do. They should merely accept you as you are, opinions and all. Period. That, my friends, is what real love is. Otherwise, to quote a friend of mine, it’s just a fantasy. Nothing more.
Don’t ever underestimate a woman like me. I’m intelligent, I’m witty, and I’m much stronger than you realize … and I will fuck your world up if you attempt to play games with me.