Moving Umi

From the length of time that has passed between moving Umi and writing this blog post (on Saturday, actually), you can see exactly how much the process drained me, and I’m not just talking about the move itself in 100 degree weather. Photos are also lacking in this post because I didn’t take any. I was too busy trying to stay hydrated and keeping myself from passing out. God, I hate this state.

My mother has always, for whatever reason, picked the summer months to move. It has nothing to do with when Akhi and I were kids and not moving while we were in school, because she did that too every now and then. We moved about every three years, to which she protests, claiming “I hate moving. It’s why we stayed in one place when you two were kids.” Really? Okay mom, have fun in that little world. By the way, are there any tall, hot warrior vampires in there too? If so, I’d like to join you on Fantasy Island. Be sure to say “hi” to Mr. Rourke for me.

She also never plans her moves. This is the biggest cause of my headaches: her procrastination and lack of planning. Let me show you what was supposed to happen on Tuesday, June 1st:

• Wake up at 8AM.
• Umi and Akhi pick up the moving truck at 8:30AM in Chandler.
• Leave Tucson by 9AM.
• Arrive at new apartment by 11AM, meeting Umi and Akhi there.
• Get keys to said apt and place pets inside, then go to storage unit.
• Empty storage unit and take load to apt.
• Go to ex’s storage unit with Avalanche (because the moving truck won’t fit) and pick up futon, leaving extra items behind that I have no room for in Tucson.
• Take futon back to apt.
• Take Cali. king bed to ex’s condo around 2 or 3PM and get queen bed from him.
• Unload queen bed from moving truck, load up ‘lanche with items going to Tucson, and leave for Tucson by 5PM or so.

Yeah. It so didn’t work out that way. Here’s what really happened:

• Woke up at 8AM after about five hours sleep.
• Umi and Akhi are supposed to pick up the moving truck at 8:30AM on Chandler Blvd because the place in Maricopa doesn’t have one available and forgets about their reservation.
• Left Tucson by 9AM.
• Call Umi to discover they don’t have a truck yet, but are on their way to get one on Chandler Blvd. For some reason, they decided to go to the place in Maricopa first, where the owners decided to be about 30 minutes late in opening. Tell them to call/text me when they have the truck.
• Wondering why I woke up at 8AM and contemplate turning back to wait at my apt.
• Reached the outskirts of Marana (45 minutes from where I live) and talked to Kitty, and then called Big Daddy confirming the time to trade beds and push it back a little because they’re now running late with the truck.
• 10AM – Umi and Akhi finally get a truck.
• Reached the outskirts of Casa Grande and called Umi to see where they’re at in loading the truck and moving along because no one has called/texted me yet. They just got to the house and begin loading the truck.
• Change plans and decide to go to ex’s storage unit first while waiting for them to get into Tempe.
• Arrive at ex’s storage unit and load up what they need from there.
• Call to discover they’re just now hitting I-10, which means about 20 minutes or so before I see them and the trip to their new apt will only take me 5 minutes.
• Go to their apt. and wait.
• Receive panicked call from Umi regarding apt. and how it’s not available now. Tell her to call the man she’s working with on this and stop calling the apt. complex office. She can’t call because she’s driving, so I make the call.
• Realize that my darling mother hasn’t filled out the paperwork yet to get the keys to the apt. Ask man if his mother drives him as crazy as mine drives me. He responds with “that’s why I live four states away.” I reply with “that’s why I’m moving to Tennessee.”
• They arrive 5 minutes later.
• Take Umi over to a complex in Mesa (stopping at bank along the way to get a money order), which all takes about 30-45 minutes while Akhi sits with truck, 10ft. Burmese python, and now the cat.
• Umi signs paperwork and we drive back to apt. to get keys.
• Begin unloading truck with stuff from Maricopa.
• By the way, the apt. is UPSTAIRS, the first and last step being doozies. This has all sorts of images of my mother tumbling down the stairs and killing herself going through my head. Just lovely.
• Up and down the stairs to unload trucks in 102 degree weather.
• Finish unloading and head over to storage unit to empty it around 4PM.
• By the way, there is no electricity in the apt. and it won’t be turned on until Wednesday because of the holiday. There’s a phone call here that essentially explains that I should have just handled it ALL my damn self. Let’s just say that the woman on the phone at APS confused Umi about how to pay the deposit, so they had no electricity the first night, which means no air conditioning. See my point? Good.
• Akhi gets a smaller storage unit for his ex’s stuff.
• Try not to pass out while emptying storage unit (poor Akhi does most of the work). Drink lots of Gatorade and water. Still dying.
• 5PM – ex calls and says he has to go to Globe for a job. It’s a 2-hour trip each way. Great. But I tell him not to worry because we’ll probably be finishing up around the same time he gets back.
• Head back to apt. around 6PM with truckload. Unload…again.
• Separate my stuff from theirs and set it aside.
• Luckily, some new neighbors offer help. Yay! The place may not be as ghetto as I originally thought.
• Spend the next three hours unloading the truck and trying not to die just yet.
• Rap-boy is entertaining, however. Every time he leaves his apt. or returns from wherever he went (which is SEVERAL times), he is in a constant state of rap. I’m not kidding. I wonder briefly if he knows my brother Siege. Probably not.
• Load all of my stuff in back of moving truck (except that which is going to ex’s storage unit) and lock it so Akhi and I can go over to Big Daddy‘s storage unit to get the futon with my ‘lanche.
• Return with futon and small fridge, then load items going to Tucson into my truck.
• Leave folding table and Cali. king bed in moving truck and call ex around 10PM. Get directions and head to old town Scottsdale.
• Got to see my Boppy!

• Trade out beds and give ex the folding table because it simply won’t fit in my damn ‘lanche and I have no place else to put it.
• Give him the sheets and comforter for the Cali. king bed too.
• Hug ex goodbye, where he decides to linger and hold on a little longer than expected.
• Make quick exit before the tears start to roll (I mean, it’s been a damn year and a half already. WTF?).
• Drive to In and Out Burger for sustenance and then head back to apt.
• Umi is all kinds of happy we brought her food.
• Wolf down my burger and half of my vanilla shake, then head home around 12:30AM.
• Wonder just how in the hell I’m still functioning.
• Call the kitty to let her know I’m heading back.
• Drive home is like being on autopilot…thank God!
• Around Picacho Peak, think of the hug for whatever reason and proceed to bawl my eyes out.
• Decide that I’m way over exhausted because we’d gotten over that shit, right?
• Arrive home around 3AM (couldn’t speed because I had stuff in the back of the ‘lanche) and decide to hell with unloading my truck at that hour. It can sit overnight and I’ll unload it the next day/night.
• Walk in, take a shower, have a smoke, and collapse into bed.

And that was last Tuesday for me. It’s taken about four days to recover because of my fibromyalgia and lupus. Fun, fun!

Next time Umi wants to move, Akhi can hire some damn movers (he laughed at me when I mentioned that, by the way). I know that’s what I’m going to do because I hate moving…loathe it now.

And now I’m going to go write something else. =)