Movie: 2012 (observations, not review really)

2012 – An epic adventure about a global cataclysm that brings an end to the world and tells of the heroic struggle of the survivors.
First, I’m just going to show you what I write as to reactions while watching the movie, and you will see how I turn this into a Serenity post. It might amuse you. Enjoy.
Not much of a story here. It’s not strong – falls apart. World is falling apart. Wait, no it’s not yet. The Earth’s core is mellllting due to solar flaring. (Yes, the Wicked Witch of the West’s voice is in my head. Did I ever tell you my great-grandmother looked just like that actress? Yes, she did. Okay, soooo off topic…). And BTW, they’re pulling out every geological end-of-the-world event possible. Lovely. Wait, I didn’t see tornadoes. Never mind. That was another movie.
What’s up with the secretive shit and the one billion Euros apiece thing? Oh, that’s right, only RICH people will be saved. Go fucking figure. Screw the rest of the world population.
Oh shit, Woody Harrelson – LMFAO!
Wait, all hell is breaking loose.
“Whoa!” – (my Keanu Reeves impression)
Graphics are pretty damn cool, actually. Nice job!
But plate shifting causes that much damage, really? Hmm…don’t recall that in geology class. Oh wait, this is like The Day After Tomorrow, where everything happens super impossibly fast because, you know, it’s Hollywood. Suspension of disbelief fail.
However, SFX are pretty to look at. =)
This movie is proof that I’ll watch anything with John Cusack in it. Oh look at that, he’s a WRITER. And he’s written a book about something very relevant to the story. How convenient, except that it’s not really explained to us yet. It’s also quite convenient how the main cast of characters either meet right before disaster strikes, or already know each other. Hmm…
“…and they escape Los Angeles as it collapses into the Pacific Ocean.” – NOT POSSIBLE, even IF the plate was to shift. Did I say suspension of disbelief FAIL? Yes, yes I did. In fact, let’s upgrade that to über fail.
Wait, the geologist was mistaken. Oh, no he wasn’t, but it’s happening faster now. Son of a bitch. We’re all still going to die!
(rolls eyes) I know movies are filmed out of order, but c’mon, could we make this a bit more believable, please? It’s like some of the scenes were placed in the wrong order too.
(I’m just gonna skip a whole lot here, save you from me covering my face and gasping, and move forward to the end)
Nice, they got on the Ark, even though they didn’t buy passes for one billion Euros apiece. They snuck on with the aid of a Chinese worker and his monk brother. Of course they got on one of the arks. It’s written in the script and John Cusack can’t freakin’ die, people! Oh, but the boyfriend dies. Yeah, didn’t see that one coming. (rolls eyes)
Oliver Platt is a real prick in this movie.
(viewing image of Earth after the aftermath of it all) – Seriously, is this a “we’ve moved back to Pangaea” thing? REALLY? Wow. (stunned this was even considered)
After the movie – “Hey, that dude was the assassin in Serenity,” aka “The Operative.”
So, there you have it. 2012 to Serenity in less than two minutes. =) I enjoyed the visual aspects of the movie, but the story wasn’t the best and I’m not certain it could’ve been better, so we’ll just leave it at that.
I’ll give this movie 2 Jinxes, meaning it’s good, not great, and I’m saying this based on purely visual effects, not story.