My Life in Hell: Welcome Back!

And so it begins …

I have reached a point in my life over this last year that I never thought would be possible, that I didn’t think would ever occur. I know I’m not alone in my experiences as of late, but that’s not exactly how it feels these days. I feel more alone than ever before. I don’t expect you to understand unless you’re experiencing something similar.

A year and half ago, I was making $40K doing a job I loved. I was engaged and I owned this beautiful house. The only thing missing from my life were children, which I can’t have, and actually, I had a teenage foster daughter during that time.

Little by little, the walls around my world began to crumble. As I said, I know I’m not the only person experiencing these things associated with a failing economy and a housing market that’s tanked, but when it’s happening directly to you, it’s difficult to see outside of your own little world. Extremely difficult. I’m very glad my foster daughter went to live with her dad so she didn’t have to experience all of this.

I received a certified letter yesterday that I refused to open right after I woke up because I was pretty damn certain bad news was involved. I mean, since when does a certified letter come with good news, right? So I put it off and while speaking to Big Daddy (my ex) on the phone a little bit ago, he wanted to know what it was about because he received one as well, so I opened  it. Yep, it’s officially official, my (our) house will be going up for auction on January 27, 2010. I have less than 3 months to sell a bunch of shit and get out. Oh joy! I can’t tell you how thrilled I am about this. But, it’s not like I didn’t see it coming.

I still can’t find a job and neither can my brother. Arizona’s job market is one of the worst in the country. I may be moving out of state because I can’t afford to live here anymore. Period. I have family in Oklahoma and my uncle tells me there are jobs there, and it’s much cheaper to live there than here, so that may be where we’re heading. I just don’t know yet. I’m just saying the possibility of me moving out of state is very strong. If I can’t hear supportive words about it, I don’t want to hear what you have to say. End of story. I have to think about me and Umi and my brother and his girlfriend, and all the damn animals in this house, and how we’re NOT going to end up in a damn shelter. Preventing homelessness is my main concern here.

Big Daddy is coming over next week to help me pack and sort out stuff for an estate sale or something. I need to make enough money to move wherever, plus a little extra. I hope it’ll be enough.

I don’t know what else to say, or if there is anything else to say. I’m kind of numb right now. If there’s still a bottom I have yet to hit, I really don’t want to see it. I don’t think I could survive much more damage.

NaNoWriMo just may save my life. Writing always saves me in the end.

And the End of Days has certainly begun in my world.
I’ll keep you updated on what’s happening in the outskirts of Hell, because that, my friends, is where I live.

11 thoughts on “My Life in Hell: Welcome Back!”

  1. Oh sweetie,Yeah, I live just on the other side. I'm going to need to rent out a room. I can't afford to sell the house now without owing the bank money thanks to the recession. I have a living room and a den and a big back yard…Just something to consider.We share a goal. I'm also trying to keep me and my kids out of a shelter.Hang in there chica. Do what you have to do.And uh, why am I not on your list of author/friend blog sites? *stamps foot*


  2. My dad and I went through that not too long ago… I did the numb thing, and I did the scared as hell thing. In the end, though, it worked out. It will for you, too.By the way… I don't know if the law is the same in Arizona as it is in Minnesota, but once the auction occurs, you generally have six months before you have to actually leave the property. I'd contact a lawyer (many of them will do free consultations) and check it out. At the very least, it will give you more than three months time to get things squared away.


  3. Oh, and it's official that my brother and his girlfriend will not be moving out of state. Waiting for my mom to wake up so I can talk to her about it. If Chuck stays, she'll probably stay. Fuck if I know what's going on now.


  4. Aww sweetheart. That just tears me up. Although, if you know the Tarot thingies, you've got the Tower, and that can mean bad things, or really fucking sweet rewards waiting around the corner. Life takes us where it wants to, and the more we bitch, the more it smacks us around. I sure do hope you get a nice place to go, like that writer mom lady up there above me in the comments. There's people that love you very much. You're gonna be okay. Just have to batten down the hatches and keep low til this shitstorm blows over.Love ya, X


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