A Movie Review – The Raven

Leave it to John Cusack to make Edgar Allan Poe funny.

That’s not to say that The Raven is a funny movie. On the contrary, it is a story of horror and death, and even about love. It’s not getting the best reviews, although not horrible, but I thought it was a pretty damn good movie. No one knows what happened to Edgar Allan Poe in his final days, as stated at the beginning of the film, and the screenplay writers Ben Livingston and Hannah Shakespeare (*giggles* LOVE her last name!) took liberties with those final few days and turned them into a compelling horrific tale. Kudos go to the director James McTeigue as well, for it is the director’s vision we’re watching when we see a movie. I’d also like to state how fucking refreshing it is to watch something that ISN’T a REMAKE!!!

When I say that Cusack makes Poe funny, I mean that there were a few areas in the film where his line(s) were hilarious. However, at one point in particular, about halfway through the movie, I found the dialogue outright hysterical and was apparently the only one in the giant Cine Capri theater. Go figure. It’s like Neo taking the cookie from the Oracle. Hardly anyone “gets” it. *shakes head and rolls eyes* I’m not certain Poe himself would have been pleased with the film, but as a fan of the writer, I certainly was. And I’ll tell you why…

The movie was dark both in its content and cinematography, graphic in its detail (especially with its The Pit and the Pendulum scene), and as a true mystery and suspense film, it keeps you guessing as to who the killer is. Of course, with most of Poe’s stories, we are told right away who the threat is. The stories are meant for us to witness the madness behind the threat. They are a study of insanity, which is fitting because Poe studied psychology in order to get into your psyche and scare you from within your own mind. I did an in-depth study of two of Poe’s stories used in this film for a criticism class, which means I picked them apart eight ways from Sunday. This is likely the reason I was the only one laughing in the theater at that half-ish-way point.

At any rate, I’m very glad Cusack took this role, portraying one of my favorite writers. He did quite well. Usually, I say that I’ll watch just about anything with John Cusack in it *ahem 2012*, but the only movie I haven’t seen of his is Hot Tub Time Machine…and no, I’m not going to watch it.

I give The Raven 0 Jinxes. That’s good, people. My system works backwards from stars. That means go see it in the theater if you can. I’m serious. If you’re a Poe fan, go watch it. You’ll enjoy it.

MOVIE INFO

The macabre and lurid tales of Edgar Allan Poe are vividly brought to life – and death – in this stylish, gothic thriller starring John Cusack as the infamous author. When a madman begins committing horrific murders inspired by Poe’s darkest works, a young Baltimore detective (Luke Evans) joins forces with Poe in a quest to get inside the killer’s mind in order to stop him from making every one of Poe’s brutal stories a blood chilling reality. A deadly game of cat and mouse ensues, which escalates when Poe’s love (Alice Eve) becomes the next target. Intrepid Pictures’ The Raven also stars Brendan Gleeson and Oliver Jackson-Cohen. — (C) Relativity

R, 1 hr. 50 min.

Mystery & Suspense

Directed By: James McTeigue

Written By: Ben LivingstonHannah Shakespeare

In Theaters: Apr 27, 2012 Wide

Box Office:$7.3M

Relativity Media

And if I could remember the goddamn lines that made me laugh, I’d tell you, and I can’t find the dialogue. Then again, I didn’t search that hard. =)

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010)
Rated PG-13 – parents cautioned


A young fugitive prince and princess must stop a villain who unknowingly threatens to destroy the world with a special dagger that enables the magic sand inside to reverse time.Another video game movie! Score! Okay, I’ll admit it, I have a soft spot for this movie because I have two of the games, but I’ll attempt at a well-rounded review.But first, that blurb doesn’t make sense because the villain knows full well what he’s about to do. There is no “unknowingly” involved here. Okay wait, villains are usually short-sighted, only having one goal/agenda on their tiny little minds, so “unknowingly” could be plausible, I suppose. Which means all villains are stupid. *quirks brow* That actually works for me.

Jake Gyllenhaal stars in this movie as Dastan, and boy, did he ever bulk up for this role! I’m not sure he should be allowed to look like that. It’s kind of weird looking at him onscreen because he’s normally playing the geeky-type role. At least, that’s how I usually see him, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Gemma Arterton plays the role of the princess—Tamina—intriguing character because she’s kind of witty, kind of kick-ass, yet kind of annoying as all get out. And hey, didn’t I just watch her in Clash of the Titans? Why yes, I certainly did.

Dastan quickly becomes a fugitive and must flee, taking the princess with him, in order to figure things out and who really framed him for murdering the king, his adopted father.

One of the best roles in the movie is Sheik Amar, played by Alfred Molina, master organizer of ostrich races and other fine things. It makes the whole movie worth watching.


“Did you know that ostriches have suicidal tendencies? Look at this poor thing. She used to be a grand champion. Now I have to watch her night and day to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.” 

In all honesty, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is quite simply, a video game movie. It’s like watching pretty much any other video game movie and shouldn’t be reviewed for its cinematic value because certainly, it’s not going to receive an Oscar. The stunts were acrobatic and well, stunning, in my opinion. I felt this really pulled the movie into the game or the game into the movie. The effects were good and the visual was pleasing to watch. I was impressed by it. If you liked movies such as HitmanTomb RaiderResident Evil—the list goes on—then you’ll enjoy this one. If you don’t care for movies based on video games, you’ll likely be disappointed because you won’t understand the story and when it comes to these types of movies, you almostneed to know it already.

And now I feel like playing the game. =)

I give Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time 1 Jinx—I think it’s a great flick.

Directed by Mike Newell; written by Boaz Yakin, Doug Miro and Carlo Bernard, based on a screen story and the video game series created by Jordan Mechner; director of photography, John Seale; edited by Michael Kahn, Mick Audsley and Martin Walsh; music by Harry Gregson- Williams; production designer, Wolf Kroeger; costumes by Penny Rose; produced by Jerry Bruckheimer; released by Walt Disney Pictures and Jerry Bruckheimer Films. Running time: 1 hour 43 minutes.

STARRING: Jake Gyllenhaal (Dastan), Gemma Arterton (Tamina), Ben Kingsley (Nizam), Alfred Molina (Sheik Amar), Steve Toussaint (Seso), Toby Kebbell (Garsiv), Richard Coyle (Tus), Ronald Pickup (King Sharaman) and Reece Ritchie (Bis).

Zombieland

The first rule of Zombieland is you don’t talk about Zombieland … wait, wrong movie.
Okay, so here are the rules for Zombieland that I’ve compiled through a bit of research. They will be marked in parentheses where they were found, either movie or blog or other. We’ll get into the review afterward.
THE RULES:
Rule #1 – CARDIO (movie): Remember, you don’t have to outrun the zombies, just your friends. Trip at will in order to escape.
Rule #2 – DOUBLE TAP (movie): Don’t be stingy with your bullets. You’ll avoid becoming a human happy meal if you stick to this rule.
Rule #3 – BEWARE OF BATHROOMS (movie): I’m not even touching this. I hate public bathrooms anyway.
Rule #4 – SEATBELTS (movie): Nothing like driving really fast and crashing your car to send a backseat zombie through your windshield. Personally, I’m a bit more concerned by the fact that the zombie was smart enough to get in the car and shut the door. Creepy!
Rule #5 – AVOID MAJOR CITIES: Duh! The bigger the city, the larger the zombie population.
Rule #6 – CAST IRON SKILLET (blog): WTF? I have no clue. Sorry, folks.
Rule #7 – TRAVEL LIGHT (movie): Obviously. Lugging around a bunch of crap is not conducive to escaping hordes of hungry zombies.
Rule #8 – Doesn’t seem to exist…
Same for rules 9 through 11…
Rule #12 – BOUNTY (Q&A): Again, WTF?
Rules 13 and 14 are non-existent…
Rule #15 – BOWLING BALL (Q&A): Seriously? I’m not even sure what this means, unless we’ve created a new game that only involves the really sloooooow zombies, but they all seem to RUN now, which I absolutely despise!
Rule 16 missing…
Rule #17 – DON’T BE A HERO (movie): Look, there’s always a hero, and yes, the hero usually dies, but not all the time. Not. All. The. Time.
Rule #18 – LIMBER UP (movie): I personally liked Tallahassee’s version of limbering up in this movie.
Rules 19 through 21 missing…
Rule #22 – WHEN IN DOUBT, KNOW YOUR WAY OUT (movie): Always a good idea. There would be nothing worse than getting trapped…aside from being eaten to death and possibly made a zombie, if there’s anything left of you.
Rules 23 through 28 MIA…
Rule #29 – THE BUDDY SYSTEM (Q&A): Never wander off alone. After several years of horror movie watching, we should ALL know this rule by now. The loner dies a grisly death. End of story.
Rule 30 MIA…
Rule #31 – CHECK THE BACKSEAT (movie): personally, I think this one should fall BEFORE rule #4.
Rule #32 – ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS (movie): Just because life’s gone all haywire and God’s fucked up the world, it doesn’t mean you can’t stop and smell the roses once in awhile. Just don’t get too wrapped up in your little dream world because there could be a zombie coming up behind you.
Rule #33 – SWISS ARMY KNIFE (blog): And again, WTF? Of course I have a Swiss Army Knife. Who the hell doesn’t anymore?
Questionable rules, not sure where they fall in the order:
A little sunscreen never hurt anyone (movie)
Always carry a change of underwear (movie, in the beginning)
Double-knot your shoelaces (movie)
It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Unless it’s a sprint, then sprint (movie)
Pack your stain stick (???)
THE REVIEW:
If you haven’t seen Zombieland by now, you’re seriously missing out.

The horror comedy Zombieland focuses on two men who have found a way to survive a world overrun by zombies. Columbus is a big wuss—but when you’re afraid of being eaten by zombies, fear can keep you alive. Tallahassee is an AK-toting, zombie-slaying’ bad ass whose single determination is to get the last Twinkie on earth. As they join forces with Wichita and Little Rock, who have also found unique ways to survive the zombie mayhem, they will have to determine which is worse: relying on each other or succumbing to the zombies. Written by Columbia Pictures
This movie has become one of my favorite zombie movies of all time. It’s hilarious, gory, and full of great lines and visuals and cast. Don’t go in watching this only expecting a funny movie because it’s so much more and if you have qualms about gore, I wouldn’t suggest watching it.
As if Shaun of the Dead wasn’t funny enough, and one review site touts this movie as Zombieland is Shaun of the Dead‘s crazy, funny redneck cousin” (ScreenRant), to which I agree, Zombieland takes horror movies to a new level of humor that is very enjoyable…and we get to keep the gore.
The movie is about Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), geek extraordinaire who has a fear of clowns (just like me), and Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), the redneck whose penchant for killing zombies is at the top of his survival skills. Let’s not let forget the man’s love for Twinkies and his endless search throughout the movie for the last Twinkie on earth – “Contrary to popular belief, Twinkies do have an expiration date.” Guess I’d better get that box shipped to my friend in Australia soon! Be sure to stock up on Twinkies before watching this movie because you will crave them, as my roommate and I discovered.
The rules listed above denote Columbus’s paranoia in a world even before zombies and how he’s survived the Zombiepocalypse. Pay close attention to the way the rules are introduced and displayed because that’s part of the humor of the movie. It took three times watching it for me to pick up on one of them I’d kept missing.
Tallahassee definitely enjoys his newfound zombie killin’ skills, and we like him. He also loves his Cadillac Escalade, has the armory of a small army (or redneck), and the scene in the grocery store is hysterical in how he takes the good ‘ole boy zombies out. Yes, throw in a little banjo music with that. Paddle faster!
The two men meet Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), sisters who have survived the Zombiepocalypse because of their background. They trust no one, don’t get involved, and stick together.
After hijacking the Escalade, the girls leave our heroes stranded at the market. But, have no fear, Tallahassee finds an H2 that apparently belonged to a redneck and is loaded with weapons. They stumble upon the broken down Escalade and the girls again, and after a bit, things settle in the group. Then they head for Beverly Hills. I won’t spoil the cameo in this if you haven’t seen it yet, but it is full of awesome!
Later, the girls take off once more and go to an amusement park so Little Rock can have somewhat of a childhood. The girl’s only like 12 years old. Things go badly fast, but Columbus is determined to go after them, and has to face his one main fear—a zombie clown. Of course, Tallahassee goes too. An amusement park is a sure place to find a Twinkie, right?
I won’t spoil the rest of the movie for you.
The one thing that did bother me about this movie is that the second half of it seemed to ignore all the rules set in place in the first half. After watching the extras on DVD, I discovered that this movie was supposed to be a television show, ending the pilot where the girls leave the boys stranded at the market, halfway through the movie. The rest hadn’t been written yet, so it explains a lot in the ending.
But still, I LOVE this movie. It’s fun, entertaining, hilarious, and gory. It is R-rated for foul language and gore.
Now, go grab a box of Twinkies and watch the movie. You won’t regret it!