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So I’m Allergic to the ENTIRE World

…and I don’t even know where to begin with this.

The Hives

(no, not the band)

hivey Jinxie 3

What food does to me

So if you’re my friend on Facebook, you might have noticed my recent news and are aware of the hives I’ve suffered for nine weeks running now. In short, I’m allergic to…uh…the entire world. Not really, but it sure as fuck feels like it after the little revelation I got on Friday.

We all know I’ve been trying to change my diet over the past year or so. Hell, I even quit smoking a year ago. After that, every hidden health problem I have ever had, like EVER, came to light. [Thanks, Body. You can fuck off now for keeping those secrets all these years. Oh, and thanks for the systemic incurable shit too. I really appreciated those.] At any rate, I’d given up dairy for the most part and tried to eat more fruits and veggies (organic, of course), but damn it’s difficult when you’ve grown up on a diet of meat and potatoes and dairy….and TV dinners and junk food and soda. I’m honestly surprised I’m not diabetic, and yes, I’ve been recently tested. I’ve been tested for a LOT of things lately. Most recently, I did a food allergy test.

You know it’s not good when your doctor starts the conversation with, “I have never seen a panel with this many food allergies.”

My response: “Just fucking great.”

I should probably mention that I was at work….in a small call center….where everyone can hear you.

Luckily, no one was on the phone at that precise moment.

On a scale of 0 to 4 (lowest to highest, thank you very much), welcome to my new life (in I-don’t-want-to-be-on-this-fucking-diet hell):

Food Allergy Test Results

My morning routine consisted of organic toasted oats with a dash of stevia in unsweetened almond milk and my coffee with vanilla coconut milk creamer. I’ve apparently been killing myself for years with the dairy anyway because that’s an inflammatory food and my body doesn’t like those. I also want to curl up and cry right now because I have a house full of food that I can’t fucking eat and I’M HUNGRY (this was on Saturday). I still haven’t been able to replace a lot of the foods I eat because every time I go to the store, I end up almost in tears after reading the labels and realizing that all of the gluten-free crap is made with rice flour. ALL OF IT. I can’t have rice, either. So I’m screwed no matter what and I haven’t had time to really sit down and figure out recipes that do not involve ANY of the things on that list above OR the things that might be related to them. For instance, pecans aren’t on there, but three other tree nuts are. Guess what I’m not going to be eating anytime soon. That’s damn right–pecans, mugglefeckers.

I’m also about to head off to Vegas tomorrow afternoon for a Wizard World Comicon, so yeah, restaurants should be fun. Hell, eating in general should be interesting. I picked up a few snacks at Sprouts today that will hopefully save me when I’m S.O.L.

Those of you who, like me, suddenly found yourselves allergic to the world’s buffet and are muddling through, I admire you. I honestly don’t know how you survive because I’m reading labels and thinking, “Fuck, I can’t eat this, either. WTF can I eat?” It’s depressing. It’s irritating. I’m in shock too. It’s like quitting smoking or ANYTHING, really.

On the bright side, I have a wonderful network of friends with similar issues who have offered support, advice, and recipes. I fucking love you guys. Seriously. Also on the bright side, I may lose weight from this alone. HA! And now that the hives have dwindled to a minimum, I can start working out again.

Off to Vegas, bitches!

Photo credit: Batgirl

Photo credit: Batgirl

Ten Ways to Tighten Your Writing & Hook the Reader

Originally posted on Kristen Lamb's Blog:

Screen Shot 2013-03-15 at 9.40.52 AM Image via CellarDoorFilms W.A.N.A. Commons

When I used to edit for a living, I earned the moniker The Death Star because I can be a tad ruthless with prose. Today I hope to teach you guys to be a bit ruthless as well. Before we get started, I do have a quick favor to ask. Some of you may know that I practice Brazilian Jiu Jitsu so I’ve taken on our dojo’s blog to see if we can try out new and fun content and am using the moniker Dojo Diva.

I posted about how hard it is to begin and the fears that can ever keep us from starting. The way others try to stop us from doing anything remarkable. I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories, so I hope you will stop by and get the discussion going.

Click the word “Comments” and a box should appear…

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One Year Ago…

…I quit smoking. Holy shit.

20140603-one-year-post

Yeah, it’s been a year and I can’t believe it, especially considering I haven’t really had many cravings. I haven’t had to use my e-cigarette unless I’m around smokers. I tried the vapor, but I didn’t care for it much because it hurt my throat. I guess I was just finally “ready.” I’ve always said there was a psychological addiction to move past with smoking and that the physical addiction–the nicotine addiction–was easy to get over. That only took a few days, a week at most.

I will say, however, that there have been a few days where I just plain miss lighting up a smoke, but so many things stop me and it only lasts a second. The smell, for one, is disgusting to me now. That goes for anything you’re going to smoke. Hence, the reason I couldn’t handle the guy upstairs–who has since moved–smoking weed.

So much changes when you quit smoking. For instance, just take a look below:

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That’s a great graphic up there, but do you know what it doesn’t tell you? Allow me…

If you don’t get your body in motion, you will gain weight. Now, I didn’t suddenly start stuffing my face with food. I eat differently, yes, but it’s a healthier diet. So WTF happened? My body’s systemic dysfunction and autoimmune system freaked the ever-loving fuck out, that’s what. I was no longer poisoning my body with all the chemicals cigarettes contain; thereby, masking my systemic disorder which makes it seems like I never got sick.

On the contrary, every disease you didn’t know you had will suddenly come to light because up until now, your body has been hiding them and they’ve turned into systemic diseases. Then you have to work with your doctor(s) on peeling each layer back to find out what the hell is going on with your body.

Brad Pitt celebration GIF

It hasn’t been fun, but at the same time, I do feel different, in a good way. Regardless of what my body is going through on the current layer (which happens to be hives from hell), I know that in the end I will feel a TON better and that perhaps I’ve added some time to my personal clock.

hourglass GIF

Who knows?

At any rate, Happy Birthday to me! I get to live a little longer!

cake1

Grind

100621cyborg

The me that you know
smiles and laughs
when deep inside
she feels nothing

tick tick tick

The me that you know
functions through life
when deep within
she’s falling apart

screech

The me that you know
fights every day
through a pain
most cannot fathom

grind

The me that you know
has become a machine
because it’s the only way
she can survive

thump-thump thump-thump thump—

human_machine_by_miiiiirellaaaaaaaaaa-d4jps9l

© 2015 Jinxie G

Secret

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I’ve forgotten how to live
Life kicks my ass
daily
The world spins by
so quickly
I hardly notice
anything that’s happened

And then five years goes by
and I look up

What? When did that…?

I have a broken heart
I hide from
the world
daily
I like to pretend
it’s mended
But the truth is
it still has shattered
pieces

I’ve tried to find them all
but there’s a vital piece
missing
The one that makes you
feel whole
feel alive

….

I don’t think I’ll
ever feel
the same
again

….

Maybe…
Perhaps…
that’s the point

Defiant

Xena

If my choice
is to stand
or fall
I choose to stand

Against your “rules”
and beliefs
of how I should
live my life

If my choice
is to bend
or break
I choose to bend

Against your corruption
and power
because breaking
is never a choice

If my choice
is to fight
or flee
I choose to fight

Against all the crimes
and injustices
so that others
may live free

Defiant
to the end

© 2015 Jinxie G

This is Exactly Why We Need “Women In Horror Month,” You Jerk.

Jinxie G:

Women shouldn’t be horror writers? Really? Hey asshat, some of the classics were written by women, or have you never heard of Frankenstein or The Lottery?

Originally posted on A Broken Laptop:

Well. I’m mad.

I’m not trying to be inciting or hysterical. But I am angry.

A “fellow” horror writer lambasted a dear friend and amazing woman for doing book signings while in costume and…I’m not quite sure what else. Being a woman? He said women were especially bad at trying to grab attention (“claiming” we’re horror writers when we aren’t) and most of us are hags anyway.

That’s right. Most of us are hags.

hag

I’m sorry, but how did appearance even manage to worm its way into this conversation? This author has one book out and a second releasing soon. Yet he has the authority to decide who is really a horror writer and who isn’t? And bringing physical appearance into it is exceptionally personal. He doesn’t like the way most of us look? Next time I’ll be careful to wear a helmet while signing so I don’t offend readers…

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What I Want

…now and forever.

What I Want

Is Romance Devolving?—50 Shades vs. No One Puts Baby in a Corner

Jinxie G:

I don’t even need to add anything to this. It’s exactly what I’d say and then some….

Originally posted on Kristen Lamb's Blog:

Image courtesy of Lisa Weidmeier WANA Commons. Image courtesy of Lisa Weidmeier WANA Commons.

I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to go here, but alas, here we are. Today, 50 Shades of Grey the MOVIE will open for…*record screech* Valentine’s Day. Nothing says I love you like predatory emotional manipulation, sociopathy, abuse and non-consensual sex acts.

Find THAT on a Hallmark card.

And yes, I know there have been other kinky books like this, but 50 Shades sold over 100 million copies and the movie (despite ZERO plot) is expected to gross in excess of $60 million which means I just threw up a little in my mouth this “story” has tipped from fringe to mainstream and that scares me more than a little bit.

No, I didn’t read the book. I don’t need to. Nor do I need to watch gang-rape prison porn to know it probably is unhealthy for the future of women (or even men)…

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Ah Hell…

…I’ve been uber super busy and haven’t blogged in a while. Sorry, folks.

Busy is good, right? RIGHT?

*headdesk*

*raises hand*

Send help. Or coffee.

stressed-computer-user

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