You can fill in the rest.
If you’ve been following my blog for a while now, you know how this goes and what I generally write about when My Life is in the title. I suggest you discontinue reading if you don’t want to see it. This blog is a journal about my life, even if I don’t keep up with it very well. If you want to read about writing stuff, go here.
So, here we go.
A little recap: lost my job in October 2008 due to a pinched sciatic nerve in my left hip; fiancé lost his job in December 2008 (same place) due to our previous employers being complete assholes; fiancé and the love of my life broke up with me in January 2009—I was still too hurt to do much, let alone look for a job; couldn’t find another job; had about four interviews last year. Pathetic, I know. Part of that, however, was due to depression. With what hit me in a matter of months, it was damn difficult to overcome.
I lost my house this past January. It went up for auction. Honestly, I’m surprised it took that long. I then moved to Maricopa with Umi and Akhi in February, and we’ve been living here with a friend since then. That’s a long damn drive into the Phoenix area to look for work and takes a lot of gas in my ‘lanche. Hell, it takes a lot of gas in Umi’s Cavalier. It takes roughly 30 minutes just to get to Ahwatukee/south Chandler.
No, not chicken butt. It’s almost time to move again. I still don’t have a job, and I’m going through the Social Security Disability process, which will take forever. Once it does take effect, whenever that’ll be and after I appeal the decision I’m certain, it still won’t be enough to cover all the bills. Akhi sort of has a job, but he doesn’t work every day. That kind of hinders the saving money for moving process. I’ve been writing articles in the finance/health insurance realm, but I have trouble writing enough to cover everything I need the money to cover and it doesn’t pay very much unless you write A LOT. It’s daunting and draining. So I’ve signed up to write freelance for a few other sites. It’s still not enough, and what makes it most difficult is the fibromyalgia. There are days where my head is in a complete fog for hours. One day, it was nine hours. I timed it. Nine hours before my brain was alert enough to think clearly and write anything outside of the creative realm. Unfortunately, I had to go to bed early that night for an appointment the next day. Go figure.
A lot of people don’t understand the fibro fog. They don’t understand the amount of pain I’m in every single damn day, probably because they see me functioning. What they don’t see is the several hours it took for me to get to that functioning level. They don’t see me staring at my computer screen for hours on end waiting for the fog to clear so I can write SOMETHING. They can’t fathom the level of pain because I don’t really show it, and I have a high pain tolerance. The last doctor I saw a couple of weeks ago for my disability claim watched me walk up and down his hallway, and then said, “You’re just dealing with it, aren’t you?” I said “yes” with a grimace on my face. I’m not certain whether or not my ability to walk that day will hinder the claim, but he damn sure hit all my fibro points and it hurt like hell. He hit some I didn’t even notice before.
Anyway, it’s about time to move again, which means I have to look for a place to live and a place to put Umi and Akhi. I have a friend with a small condo, but I haven’t heard from her after a few recent attempts, so I can’t count on that. I know that I have a place to go, but the situation is a bit volatile and that concerns me on many levels. My concern is for my friend’s safety, not mine so much.
To top this off, Akhi’s cat Gremlin is staying with a friend whom I can never thank enough for taking him in, but he has to be out by the 29th of this month and we have no place to put him right now because we can’t bring him here and won’t be moving until mid-May. I don’t want my brother to have to give up his cat. It’s not fair. I still have Moon. That would be like asking me to give her up, and I would die before doing that.
So I don’t know what to do.
I know I tend to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, and that’s my own damn fault and just how I am, but the weight is crushing me to the point that I can’t breathe anymore. And when things happen in succession, it’s hard to catch a breath. Things break. I understand that, especially when it comes to vehicles. Like my water pump that needs to be replaced and will cost me around $600 that I don’t have and can’t afford. Or Umi‘s car window that was victim of the recent hurricane-like winds that blew through the ‘Copa. But something breaks and I find a way to fix it, whatever that way is. I’m a fixer. I can’t help it. Something breaks, I start looking at the problems and start searching for a solution, eliminating one problem at a time along the way. If you’re a fixer, you’ll understand that. I fix each problem and move on from there, leaving them or whatever caused them in the past. I try hard to look forward. I don’t like living in the past. That just brings depression, and we certainly don’t want that again. I just came out of the well not so long ago and have no intention of going back after being in there for a year. I do tend to overreact to things right off the bat, but after my initial freak-out, I sit down, smoke a cigarette, and start thinking of solutions. They don’t always come right away, but they get there eventually.
I also tend to curse the universe a lot. Now, you may think this isn’t wise, but the universe and I have a long-standing history, and I’m not asking questions of it, just stating my displeasure with the bullshit I’ve endured for far too long.
I’m still searching for solutions to my many current problems after a year and a half. I’ve never had something take this long in my 40 years on this planet. It’s a reinvention that I wonder if it will ever finish. Does that make sense? Sorry, I have U.P.O.’s Godless playing in the background.
I know exactly what I want in life, and that is to become a published author. I want to see my book(s) on the shelf when I walk into Barnes & Noble or any other bookstore.
So what am I doing about it?
I’m spending a lot of time lately honing my craft, reading a lot of books, writing book reviews, starting new stories for publication wherever, and just essentially trying to find the next big idea. I think I’ve found it. Unfortunately, that means I don’t spend a lot of time with family and friends who are dear to me, and some may take it wrong. All I can say is I love you, and please understand why I’ve withdrawn. If I’m to make anything out of the career I want, I have to do this, and I hope you’ll understand. I won’t disappear completely. I’ll still be around, just hiding in the shadows once again. I’m good at that. Besides, freelance writing alone takes a lot of time away from the many things I want to do.
Most people work during the day and nighttime becomes playtime before sleep. I sleep during the day and work at night. That’s the nocturnal creature in me and it will never change. I don’t have children, so if I don’t have to get up in the morning, I’ll work all night and sleep all afternoon. I spent a good portion of the last year and a half in escape mode. I slept a lot and played all night and didn’t write a damn thing. Oh, I started many stories, but couldn’t finish them due to the depression. Right before the latest issue of Forever Nocturne released, one of my characters decided to tell a short tale. It was the first writing I’d completed in over a year. I can’t even begin to tell you how ecstatic I was when this happened. Writing is my passion and it’s like a drug when I can complete something with pure satisfaction—the kind I felt that night when I finished Shawn’s story. I was also able to edit my fantasy story and intend to finish that and publish it as a novella. Right now, I have three books open to work on because I like to torture myself. Kidding. It’s the only way I can work, otherwise, the ADD kicks in and my mind wanders. If I have two or three books to work on, the chances of my mind wandering elsewhere are slim. Most writers will understand that.
So…look at that, the post ended up being about writing anyway. I’m going to take a deep breath and jump back into my three stories to see what I can do with them before I head to bed.
Thanks for reading, if you’re still around.
Oh, and welcome to my world.
Coming soon: An interview with Kait Nolan about her new book release.
Jinxie’s Preview Review
The Losers – Oh, this looks really good. Total guy movie. Lots of stuff blowing up. Awesome.
Robin Hood – Yet another Robin Hood movie, but this one actually does look quite good. Russell Crowe. From the makers of Gladiator. It’s gotta be good.
Salt – Oh yes, it’s an Angelina Jolie movie, and damn does it look good. I love it when this girl does stunts. She IS the kick-ass heroine. Must see.
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time – OMG! I have to see this film! Why? I own the game, duh. It actually looks entertaining and the effects look good.
Ironman 2 – We’ve all been waiting for this one and it doesn’t look like it’ll disappoint. Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark? Hells yes. I love him in this role.
Splice – Sci-fi (that’s not spelled Syfy, nimrods) thriller horror whatever that looks similar to Species, but scarier. Cool. I’ll watch it. Have to mention the guy behind me and what he said after watching this preview: “Oh man, I’m not watching that. I’ll shit my pants.” Much giggling from Kitty and me ensued.
And now on to the movie, reviewed by both Kitty and Jinxie.
Clash of the Titans
“The Clash of the Titans” is set in the Greek city of Argos where a war is about to explode between man and the gods. Perseus (Sam Worthington) was raised as a fisherman, but is actually a demi-god. Perseus is the son of Zeus (Liam Neeson) who is about to take on the gods after the death of his family. Zeus’ brother Hades (Ralph Fiennes) was the one who killed his family, and Perseus wants to kill him. However, it is Perseus’ destiny to rescue the city of Argos from the ruthless rage of Hades and his Kraken monster. With nothing to lose, Perseus leads a band of soldiers on a quest to defeat the Kraken. In doing this, Perseus will prevent Hades from overthrowing Zeus and in turn, destroying mankind.
Disclaimer: We didn’t write that synopsis. We got it from IMDB.com and whoever wrote it spelled Perseus’ name wrong throughout, so we fixed that, as well as the many other typos. People, if you’re going to write up something for the entire world to see, PROOFREAD it, or learn how to write.
First, we’d like to say that while we know a lot of people are upset about Zeus having dark hair and wearing armor, we were perfectly fine with it. Liam Neeson did a great job with the role. Jinxie especially loves Liam Neeson, but then, practically any man with that accent will do.
The surprising role of the film? Ralph Fiennes as Hades. Wow, what a make-up job they did on him because we didn’t even recognize him! And the special effects with him are spectacular. Whenever he’d appear, there was a visual that looked like black wings spreading out behind him. Freakin’ cool as hell. He did a great job playing the betraying brother of Zeus.
Sam Worthington as Perseus. NOM. Okay, he was great in this role. Much better than Harry Hamlin, or whatever his name was. Jinxie had to tell Kitty to stop drooling, although he’s certainly pretty to look at.
So, several people will probably give this movie a so-so or bad review and call it a CGI-fest. Obviously, they aren’t geeks like us who remember watching the original as kids. Either way, even if we hadn’t seen the original, we both still would have loved the remake. Yes, there are a ton of special effects. Duh, it’s movie about mythical creatures and gods. What did you expect, clay-mation effects like the original? I don’t think so.
The characters Ozal and Kucuk were hilarious. Good comic relief as brothers who inserted themselves in the mission, insisting they are hunters capable of impossible feats. They worked out well and we wish they’d had more screen time.
The three witches looked wonderful and Jinxie was very excited to see them, as she always loves the witches. Pegasus turned out to be a black stallion, which people are apparently upset about as well, but we thought it was just fine. The scene with Medusa was also great. Hell, the whole movie was great.
There are just too many characters to discuss, so we’re going to stop right here.
Overall, we loved the movie and give it 0 Jinxes. If you’re a fan of the original, you’ll love it, unless you’re all hung up about Hollywood remaking it. If you’ve never seen the original, but love movies like this, you’ll love it as well. However, if you’re not big on the story of Perseus and don’t care for a lot of CGI, you might not like it, but honestly, how many movies are made today without CGI?
As a huge fan of mythology and one who has studied it her entire life, Jinxie was very impressed with the story and the movie, and she will buy a copy of it when it hits DVD.
As one who isn’t really into mythology, but loves staring at Sam Worthington, Kitty was blown away by the pacing, action, and the overall storyline. And Kitty wants the ferryman at her funeral. Wow, they did a good job with that character too!
One last thing: We will say that a character from the original 1981 movie makes an appearance in this one, and Kitty and Jinxie were the only two in the theater who caught it and laughed. It was made of awesomesauce!
APRIL FOOL’S! THERE IS NO POST!
However, I am not kidding about the fact that this post has the potential to offend you if you’re overtly religious, but let’s face it, folks, God has a freakin’ sense of humor too. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have a sense of humor and there wouldn’t exist such a creature as the platypus. Point shot and hopefully taken. If you’re too narrow-minded to get that, you have no business being on my blog. GET OUT! If you choose not to leave, I’ll have Zombie Jesus chase you out.
Watch out, he’s mighty fast, that Zombie Jesus.
Now, on with our story …
A few weeks ago, I spent a week down in Tucson taking care of a sick kitty, HC Zuerner. Well, in order to take care of ill kitties, one must go to the store to prepare for the week, so that’s exactly what we did—headed down to the Fry’s Marketplace, which was the closest and still open that late because Kitty and Jinxie are both extremely nocturnal. As we’re perusing the aisles, mainly the Easter section—btw, it’s not even St. Patty’s Day at this point—I turn to Kitty and ask, “When is Easter anyway?”
She furrows her little feline brow and replies, “I think it’s on April first.”
I stop dead in my tracks, my head falls back, and a loud belly laugh echoes through the store. “Oh. My. God. How perfect is that?” I raise my hands in a displaying gesture, also known as the Jesus Christ pose. “April Fool’s, I’m not dead.”
Kitty and I both lose it in the store, doubling over in fits of laughter. Not long thereafter, we realize that Easter is not on the beloved April Fool’s day, but occurs three days later …
YES, IT STILL APPLIES!
“April Fool’s, I’m not dead!”
This is by far the best year ever!
After I got back to the Phoenix area, I stopped by my g-ma’s house to see my Uncle T one last time before he headed back to Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma … sorry, I can’t help it that Steve Martin is screaming that in my head every time I say it.
I proceeded to tell Uncle T about the Easter/April Fool’s thing and he of course laughed because Uncle T has a great sense of humor. This time, however, I added, “I’m so going to Hell.” I was in g-ma’s house, after all.
Uncle T, God bless him, responded with, “Catholics don’t believe in Hell, honey.”
That perked me right up. “Oh shit, that’s right … wait, I’m not Catholic. Crap, I’m still screwed.”
He just laughed at me and we got into one of our many religious discussions and how the devil didn’t exist until only a few thousand years ago. I love those conversations with him.
So my question is: What happened to all those people before Hell was created, hmm? Did God just say, “Well, we don’t have a place for you right now, so you get a free pass” to everyone who walked through the pearly gates? Are there really pearly gates?
I believe Gehenna exists because I live in it. There’s no other way to explain my so-called life.
Happy Easter, everyone!